All Comments on 'Wrongful Revenge'

Why not just write:

'Tom was bitter over losing to Bob in business so he walked up to him in the middle of a crowded street and beat him to death with a bat. He then went home and invited his friends over to celebrate his victory.'

Makes about as much sense as this story. Bob lost a wife but Tom lost everything in a giant lawsuit and probably his freedom in a criminal case. Seems like a hollow victory for Tom to have won to me.

There wasnt even any sex scenes so the whole point of the story must have been the evil Tom breaking the good Bob but you didnt give Tom any chance to get away with it. You didnt even have to make it 100% realistic to make the story and leave the reader knowing bob got screwed over bad. Tom in this story is so dumb he fucked himself over way worse than anything he could have ever done to Bob.

Its like robbing a bank and saying you got away with it because you made it 20 yards outside the front door before the cops took you down in a hail of gunfire. Not a very convincing victory by most peoples standards.

in the worst way...

This is too much like the Troubador's "Hildy". Plot line is exactly the same, only the names are changed. Well, the writing is now where near the same class.

If you're going to copy someone else's work, please try to disguise it a little more.

people who like to get over on people write shit like this.bob should burn tom house down with him in it.also bob dumbass wife in the house too.

I can't really vote until it is complete.

wife is no longer a wife ...in time after the divorce ..tom fucked up also ...he will have no wife except the one who he fucked over and will she do more with him after she has nothing ...so who wins the man with the money and the business ...a wife like that divorce her sorry ass and hell with your money just use very nice escorts from now on

Good story IF! this is just part one.....

If this is all of it, then it is too incomplete to be a really good cheating story

It needs a sequel badly. It's not bad but as it stands it is nowhere near complete.

Lets see she really LOVES him right... ties up the husband make him watch ... whore wife and really stupid Husband finds out all it was all a misundertanding they really love each He takes her back blah blah blah

gee this seems soooo familar.... TIES THAT BIND HILDY every other JPB story ETC ETC

Never once did she go in to find the missing BOB....never once did she enjoy her revenge to gloat....garbage in and garbage out..all so illogical...plus the hospital is required to call next of kin...even if bobby boy says no...

Give me a break from this tripe.

because you're already getting pounded enough.

But it does seem to me that the story is far from finished, and that there needs to be a continuation of it, however you intend it to end.

At least you can see from the comments that you stirred people up!

ohio

I Got A Bad Feeling he's gonna WIMP OUT & take her back in PartII. If there is no partII then I just have a bad feeling.

this is one of those intriguing stories that i want to find out how it ends! doesn't matter the outcome really, but am aching to find out how it all will play out!

Bob called me, I'm his brother. Not special forces, not mafia, just bad to the bone redneck, born and raised. I hunted down old Tom and took him to the woods. He sure could scream some high notes for such a big fella. Left him hanging up with his cock and balls stuffed in his mouth. Now Ms. Carrie? I'm not gonna be so gentle with her. She never cared for me much, but I kept my mouth shut all these years 'cause little brother loved her so much. But she hurt Bobbie, she hurt Bobbie bad.........and now it's time to pay for that awful temper. Wonder if I can get some higher notes out of her than old Tom 'fore she begs me to take her life, but I won't, not quickly anyways! If only the forrest hears the screams, does somebody really die??

Snipe

Great so far, but we need an ending

Simple:

Forgive my skepticism, but the similarities between your story and two others, "Hildy" by 'the Troubador'and "It's the Same Old Story" by 'K.K.' seems more than coincidental. Where your story differs from theirs is in the quality of writing. I know that there are only so many variations on a theme, but your version is just too similar to the two earlier mentioned. I hope that my suspicions are only that, just suspicions and nothing more. If you intend any future submissions, I suggest you take great pains to make certain they bear little resemblance to anything already posted.

As to your story, I felt it was very weak. That a wife supposedly committed to a relationship as idyllic as you described would be so impassioned in exacting revenge upon her husband seems farfetched. The revenge itself was not very credible. From the inception of 'Tom's' scheme to the consummation of 'Carrie's' reprisal, the plot was poorly orchestrated. The chances of your antagonist actually getting away with this artless ruse were practically nil.

Furthermore, as 'Kanga' stated, your story was not complete. While "open ended" stories do leave the resolution up to the reader, your tale had not yet reached that point. Your story didn't end, it simply stopped.

There is truly a paucity of good stories being posted to the "loving wives" genre. Hopefully, any future efforts from you will better written and certainly original.

I see that this is one of if not your first posting and maybe shouldnt be to hard on you,but where the hell are you going with this? What you have tpld us so far is that Tom is an ass hole,The wife is a slut who didnt need much help to fuck anything with a cock,and the husband drinks too much and is stupid.I would hope that you would give us a little more depth into these people in your next chapter.

"Hildy" without the exceptional writing or character development. even worst you disrespected the readers to the point of not even bother to bring this to an end. AND, why is it you went to such lengths to show a couple that are "happy" only to have it fall apart with a nudge? That doenlt make any sense.

But then, this whole story made no sense.

Regards,

C

I pretty much echo the other readers comments. It does need an ending, preferably one where Bob gets revenge on the lot of them, but it's too reminiscint of the "Hildy" story.

It needs no ending. What would be the point, there are quite a few stories with the same plot that already have endings, and they were good stories written well. You couldn't possibly salvage this mess with a forklift and a backhoe. Leave it, read the other Hildy polts and learn how it's done. Then make up your own story.

I kind of feel that folks around here are being just a little harsh in their criticisms.

1. Plots from stories here on Lit, novels, magazine articles, newspaper clips….you name it…television shows (Hello the celebrity section here on Lit)…are commonly used as jumping off points by writers…as inspiration if you will…for some one who just may have something new to say on a given subject.

2. This particular story seems to be well written, at least as far as it goes.

3. Your characters show promise…again…as far as you’ve gone in developing them.

4. The acid test of your effort…at least to me…is the clamoring I read from those screaming ‘finish it!’ Hummm, it seems that folks around here want more…and that’s always a good sign.

Good luck and good first effort.

poodlepapa

If I didn't know better I would say that I read a story just like this on here about 2 months ago..... Sorry but the best I can give you is 25% after all you did change it some and put the gangbang in.....

Paul

I didnt even think that this might be part one. The story didnt have a chapter, there was no mention of a continuation or multiple parts at the beginning or end of the story, and you said the bad guy won (implying to me that the story/confrontation was over and nothing more was to come - bad buy won, the end).

If you are planning on continuing the story, then I seriously jumped the gun and my comments arent applicable to the first chapter in a multi-part story. I have nothing against a story that may (or may not) share some similarities with other posted stories. Its almost unavoidable in fact. If you intended this to be the beginning of a longer story, I hope you continue it which ever way you intended (husband comes out on top or keeps getting shit piled on him). I was just frustrated that the story just ended seemingly in the middle.

My preference would definitely be for this to be part one and the husband coming out on top but thats just me. If you intended this to be a story about the husband being humiliated and beaten down, then my original comment is still valid but maybe too harsh.

Putting aside my dislike of bad guys winning, the story still wasnt great even as a bad guy wins and good guy gets shafted story since it seems that the bad guy is gonna get fucked hard in the very near future (not by the hot wife either). As I said, it seemed like he was jumping the gun in declaring himself the winner since he had a lot left to answer for (just criminally and civilly - not even mentioning the fact that you dont push a guy this hard and expect him not to retaliate - even if he was slick enough to get away with everything in the eyes of the law, its still unlikely that he would get away scott free).

I do hope you keep writing. Either continuing this story or with a new one and dont let my (and other) rude comments discourage you.

Please don't take the criticism posted previously as an indictment against your writing.

The idea that this story is similar to "Hildy' is wrong. In 'Hildy' she believe a rumor that was third or fourth hand, did not believe him when he was asked, and then went out tied him up, and then cheated. In your story, Carrie 'caught' her husband in the act of fucking itself. I don't see the similarity, I guess anyone who feel the need to tear down a story, and will use any excuse to do it.

I hope there is a Part II, with a satisfactory ending with a comeuppance against Carrie, Tom, and whoever fucked her. I fervently hope that Bob comes out of this with his head held high. Vindicated.

But it definitely ain't finished.

Hildy finished with the brain dead husband taking back a stupid woman - maybe they were born for each other?

Don't make the same mistake when you do your ending to this.

Is there a part 2? A good concept but you should spend more time developing the dialogue and letting the action unfold. Another problem was that when she fucked the three models she never went to gloat over her husband?

Anyway, if you spend more time with a part 2 you can make a righteous setting of matters by the innocent party. I do not see them getting back together.

SleeplessinMD

You had a pretty good story going... and then you quit! Watch the movie Titanic right up until the iceberg hits... then quit. I was taught that a story needs a conclusion. I guess I expect it.

Your style is good... keep writing.

wHERE WAS THE HUSBANDS REVENGE? Where was the parts where he got even with the crazy wife and the insane Tom. Where was the part about the police arresting them for attempted manslaughter, assault and ect?

Not to mention the obvious...Mentaly retarded people should not consume alchol.

Sorry, but I wasn't impressed too much. It started to get interesting about the possible revenge for the so-called revenge, but then it stopped. No, I need more to give it a higher rating than 3.

This was an interesting plot and it needed a stronger buildup and finish. I'd suggest finding a volunteer editor and tightening up and extending the story.

Good start.

Regards, DJ

Uneven writing quality that needs an editor to help with grammar and punctuation (that's right, I want my smut to be literate smut, thank you). Good start at plot even if it's a rehash of previous stories so I hope the see of the rest of the story in the future. Reasonably done characters though I must profess I didn't find them terribly interesting.

A good initial submission, I'll wait for the remainder of the story before voting. A 50 for your effort.

A story like this one needs an ending before you put the first chapter up, or an author will garner more complaints than compliments. The obvious, a totally incomplete ending; or were you trying to get out some old shit from your system by writing about embarassing a good guy by a bad guy, and see yourself as the bad guy?

You left too much undone here; I truly hope that one day you will finish this story.

So far I like it. But what happens next? Please write the ending soon.

I have been married for forty years and in all that time I have never found it necessary to leave my wife at a drunken brawl while I went home to sober up. Please come up with something a little original beside the drunk husband or wife. Even Hildy and "June gets Even" did not require a drunken spouse to generate a story. Please, you write well. Get rid of the drunken stereotypes. 60 year old George

You have to let us know what happens next.

You have a good start on an interesting story, keep it going

For any reader who has been here for a while, the immediate recognition is unavoidable: the husband is tied and gagged by short on trust and high on temper wife. Not again! Add to that the drunk to cheat scheme. I wish I could find a positive here. So far, I have not seen anything original added to the formula.

this story why people write bad comments about writers.writing how crazy wife and lover fuck over hubby,people don't want read that shit.they want to read how hubby gets justice.

Although totally off the wall, the plot was getting interesting when it quit. Like others have asked, what happens next??

I'm tired of overused plots and tired of authors who write a bit of a story without any continuation. If ever this author finishes the story it might get a better rating, but as it is I'm just fed up of writers that write story never to finish them.

Another Lit.com writer who cannot get past the introduction. He obviously cannot even imagine an ending.

I hope thar there is another chapter. It's not that the story was so good but that nothing should be left hanging as this one was. Simply adding a Ch. 1 or a "to be continued" would have saved an awful lot of ire directed at the author.

first of all, your plot is stolen from a much better story on this site.

second 'tom had it all on tape'? really? how did he do that..when bob took the tape with him?

third...the whole time tom and carrie were waiting for the other guys to show up, carrie never once looked in and noticed bob was missing?

either try a little harder, or give up writing

I re-read your story. It should be continued. Maybe too typical for some readers, but then, are most of the other revenge stories not somewhat the same. Why not try to do Bob justice with revenge on Carrie and Tom, all packed in a conclusive story exposing to Carrie het wrongful decision and making her regret it. You should ignore the last comment dated 08/31/07. This reader should read the story once more to understand. G.Belgium

great story but you need to continue it for a revengful ending......hope to see it soon

I hate to say this but its been over a year since this person has even logged in if they dont finish the story im going to take over and finish it for them!and in my story theres going to be ninja groundhogs not that punksatoni phill fucker but the real badass groundhogs from the hood and there might be a appearance by godzilla as well

she [re]acts and tom reveles in his 'success' w her. husband no longer cares, and does she, after, she realizes where she was, where she went to ? clueless

I think it is like, O'Henry's Tales and should not

continue. But I admit I would love to know what happens

next!

pile of dogshit that bonnie & her side kicks enjoy. Glad this author did not finish this garbage.

we'll not get to read of her crocidile tears when she realizes the manipulation of her, how she she loves only bob, and so on. but, she'll have a profession to fall back onto.

It is too bad this was a one off 'chapter 1' with no followup. Great start and good writing.

Ya she really loved him and had a nice way of showing it

she was manipulated, but too late for what she had. at least she's got another way to make her way in the world

sorry bout the mid rating. but if you're not going to finish what you start, of well! Since you're dead I hope some other author picks up where you left off. Any ending is better than no ending. I hope you liked your flowers

Great plot, but you let us down, dude!

What happened to the ending. You left the story hanging somewhere in left field. What happened to Bob did he divorce the bitch or did he become stupid and take her back and what did Tom do with film he had taken of Carrie doing her gangbang. I think you need to go back to writing school and learn how to do a story the right way.

you are one of those who dont end thier stories, well maybe you should give up writing and sell used cars asshole.

This has got to be one of the most childish ridiculous peices of crap I've ever read. These two otherwise intelligent people decide to commit a couple felonies so they can spend the next 15 years in prison... yep, I think that makes sense... simple49, you have got to be a complete moron, seriously... did you invest more than five minutes in this utterly stupid story?

Screw the aholes who didn't like it. It's great.

This story was written - and not finished yet - to satirize over the top stories in the LW section that treat the husband as shit and the wife as the ulitmate selfish bitch and then look for the torch the bitch revenge ending. I had something like that in mind at the time. But did not know that I was ill - there were hints - but ultimately as I began work on part 2, I ended up in the hospital, had a miserable operation and to suffer through open wound healing for a month. Try it sometime as someone has to debreed the open would 3 times or more a day. Much more painful than even my character might imagine. When I was well enough to sit in front of a computer, I found my inspiration strained by my father's illnes and aging. In fact within a couple months he died and I had all the "fun" that follows when someone you love dies and you have to deal with inheritance and family. Thank god for Trusts. However, both those experiences made it very, very difficult to find the inspiration, rage, humor, that drove this story originally. Of course it is sick: that's the point. But I have been working on it all this time and may even get back what was driving me at the time and finish. So for the snarky people who hate unfinished stories, I concur. I hate them too and have complained hypocritically about it to others. But please go ahead and criticize and make comments anyway, and say a little prayer to the muses to come down and shake loose my imagination so I can finish this damn blasted story once and for all time. Or if you feel inspired, pick up the pen and do it yourself and have a good time at it.

I gave you a zero because you insult your readers. You are pathetic. Write your own conclusions is very old and worn out. Stop writing!

It's not finished in the least.

No ending gets a zero.

No ending equals no story. Writing is hard and it looks like you don't have enough skill to write an entire story. If you only want to write a beginning then warn the reader in the beginning so we won't waste our time. You did write a good beginning though. anon jerry

Maybe you mommie walked end and forced you to close your pc?

So she saw her guy with another and had a Secret Gang Bang. Wheres the Revenge on her guy and or Tom?

Ridiculous load of crap. How did Tom "have it all on tape" if Bob took the freakin' tape you imbecile? And where does this story end? You just left it hanging there. Garbage.

this will be a good tale if you finish it

To bad

I guess anything can be posted here. Isn't there a screener or something? This clearly is not a whole story. Shame on the writer and shame on whoever OK'd this to posted. This writer should be banned until he/she finishes this!

this story was never finished.

actually glad this writer quit after submitting such a pile of shit story. Although fags like shoe might enjoy this garbage.

Try finishing the story. I can see why its your only one.

Hadn't learned much as he got older. Agree with all the negative comments!

Just another cuck writing out his stupid fantasies as therapy

Thankfully the brain damaged author took the hint and gave it up.

REALLY STUPID

Started out okay then got dumb really really fast.

since he hasn't surfaced since 2006, let him rest in peace

Gee, what a suprise... An author starts telling a story then just stops in the middle.

half story is always worst story

Can some author please write the next chapter or chapters?

Does anybody know how to end a story or is this as far as the writer can go. It would be different if there was just one thing left in question but in this case there is such a hole to fill that makes the whole story just ?????

uncontrolled its a disaster, being led leads to tragedy. TK U MLJ LV NV

WHY DOES AN AUTHOR PEN A STORY AND NOT BRING IT TO COMPLETION OR CLOSURE. WE ALL KNOW AUTHOR RULES AND IS ALLOWED DISCRETION IN THEMES, CHARACTER AND PLOTS BUT EVEN THE MOST NAIVE WRITER HAS A STORY LINE THAT HOPEFULLY IS OUTLINED FROM A-Z. TK U MLJ LV NV

Bringing in the other guys ruined the ending of this story. Well, on the other hand, I guess this story doesn't really have an ending, does it?

Before you start writing let everyone know if a story is going to be multiply chapters that way your readers know what to expect when you just stop the story in the middle of no where

If you can spend the time to write a pretty good story at least finish it completely and not just cut it off in the middle. Or better yet don't even submit half a story. I would like to see someone finish it as I think it does have potential.

God, what a waste of time. No ending at all.

Where's the ending?

Why? It's one of the least likely things to happen. I can understand a revenge fuck, but no wife who wants to stay with her husband would ever let him watch, and if she wants to make sure he'll never have anything to do with her again, film a revenge gangbang. So why is this crazy story done by so many authors?

Why do these people write only half a story?

Is there any other explanation?

Good riddance! Maybe Literotica should have some sort of house cleaning function for this sort of rubbish.

...and the complete story has been posted here years ago - not writen by simple49..

Not worth even thinking about this so called author..

they would both be going to jail for unlawful detainment anyway

she could beg for forgiveness when she finds out she was tricked but still doesnt deserve a chance.

she is a whore

The Husband had won against his advisary Tom throughout the career and life in general, yet you do not go into fill detail to see what the husband does for his revenge and proving the wife to be a stupid, misguided, and MANIPULATED SLUT.

She needs to find out the truth and understand that with all the years they had been together that she did not think all things through.

I guess you have another chapter to write....

she became damaged goods and a new phase of her life w/o him was right.

At least the guy gave her the outlet for her sexual desires and to and a way

to make ends meet. he'd be silly to support her.

She was easily manipulated once she became angry, all Tom had to do was get her to be angry at her husband. Also because her angry didn't subside easily rather she held unto it and doing so alowed Tom to manipulate her again into a gangbang that he videotaped. The only recourse for the husband would be to gather evidence of her adultery especially the gangbang and then divorce it and use the gangbbang tape to force her to terms that were not in her best interest. With her anger issues being so serious and since she was so easily manipulated not once but twice it is hard to believe that something this major had not happened earlier in her married life. I would like to hear her explaination for the gangbang she starred in, how would she blame her persistent sluttish behavior on her husband ?

Wish it had been continued to find out how it all worked out.