Your Ex-Lover is Dead Ch. 04

"They didn't piss on the diehards! And they said in the opening of the song that they lose crowds but their hearts beat for the diehards. Maybe Pete's off fucking models and just being hot, but Fall Out Boy is legendary, dude."

My dad laughed and pointed to Ro with his fork. "She's a good arguer. Never get bored with this one, Chris. You never will." He smiled and winked at her, then kept eating.

I was glad my dad liked her so much. I could tell they would be besties. He always had to feel out my girlfriends because he would hate for me to meet another Susan. Most of them he didn't like, but Roshanda? I knew he would want me with her forever.

"Well, she does make an excellent cook," I said, mouth full of chicken and veggies. "AKA, a woman's main job."

Roshanda laughed. "Long as you buy the food, provider."

My dad chuckled. "And she can take a joke. Awesome."

The whole time we were eating, I was just glad that my dad and Rashonda had so much awesome chemistry. They instantly clicked. It was beautiful. Very few of the girls my dad met clicked with him. They just seemed so distant.

Dinner ended. We were all wrapping up a conversation about 90s television. "Daria" vs. "Beavis and Butt-head." Very engrossing.

"Well, it's getting past my bedtime," Roshanda yawned and stretched. "I was up all night."

"Why's that, Roshanda?" My dad grabbed everyone's plate and started putting them in the sink.

I wasn't listening. I should've been paying attention, but I was texting my friend Mike, who was going to be my roomie for the next semester. "No, Chris—"

I had to cause a distraction before she said too much. So I did the easiest thing I could. I pretended to knock over a glass.

When it shattered, I automatically pretended to act like I fucked up.

"Shit! I'm so sorry, dad." Right before I started to pick up the pieces, my dad shooed me away. "I'll get it. It's fine. Show Roshanda to the guest room."

"You sure?"

"I'm sure." He gave Roshanda a hug. "I'll see you tomorrow. It was sooo nice meeting you."

Roshanda laughed as she was embraced by my dad. "I can't breathe, Mr. Davis."

He let go. "No, you are my new friend. You call me by my first name."

She rolled her eyes. "Okay, Nick."

"There we go." He looked to me. "Chris, hold onto this one, will ya?"

I grabbed her hand and whisked her out of the kitchen. "I will!" I yelled over my shoulder. I saw him bend down to start picking up the glass as we headed upstairs.

"You gonna tuck me in?" Rashonda asked, stripping out of her jeans. She had this thing about sleeping with no pants on.

I pulled the covers over her, waiting for her to lay down after she tied her hair up.

"If you want me to. I'm really good at that," I flickered my tongue at her and she hit me.

Once she settled in, she stared at me the way she always did when she was about to tell me how much she liked me.

"Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve you. You know that?" She asked, with wide eyes. Everything she told me was genuine. I believed it. The least I could do was be straight with her, but I couldn't.

I sucked my teeth. "You deserve everything you want, Roshanda. I wouldn't hold that whole Roy drama against you. It's in your past. You know better now."

She traced a finger around my face. "I know. But I look at you, and sometimes I wonder how you even like me. I mean, you're like this, gorgeous, mysterious, uber-talented musician whose all...you know, all deep and shit. And I'm just this random girl with a white guy fetish who's nowhere near as interesting."

Roshanda was tripping. I know she fell into her little self-conscious bouts sometimes, but to hear this when I was withholding from her was about to make me sick.

"You're fucking insane, woman. If anyone's lucky here, it is me. And you're hella interesting. Are you kidding me? I could never talk to anyone the way I talk to you. You're the most amazing girlfriend I've ever had."

Her sleepy eyes blinked repeatedly, like she was about to cry. Like she was about to say something to me. Something she'd been holding back.

Just like me.

But instead, she chickened out. She fake-yawned and looked at the clock. "I need to sleep. But it was so nice meeting your dad. He's the shit."

"I know. I was born of greatness. I'll be back up soon. Gonna talk to my dad. But I know you'll be sleep by then." After I kissed her forehead, I turned off the lamp. "Good night, brown sugar."

She giggled. "Night night, boo."

I closed the door, right before taking another look at her. A lasting one.

I went downstairs and back into the kitchen. My dad was sitting down, having just cleaned up all the glass.

"You had a panic attack, didn't you?"

Shit. He knew.

I rubbed the back of my neck, aware of the shit I'd just gotten myself into. "Yeah."

"And you didn't tell me."

"Dad, I'm trying to put this behind me."

He frowned. "How the fuck can you if it keeps happening?"

Silence. He pointed to the chair in front of him. "Sit your ass down. I wanna talk."

"But dad, I—"

"Sit. The. Fuck. Down."

I sat down hard, annoyed already. He was about to lay into me. Couldn't wait.

"Why didn't you tell me? I could have cut the trip short, and we could've even avoided my friend getting rushed to the hospital if we left earlier."

"Because," I answered, to no one in particular.

"Christopher, you can't hide from this. This, whatever it is. It's not healthy. Dr. Morris—"

"Why did you call her?"

"Because you don't tell me everything!" He yelled, unaware of the sleeping, unaware girlfriend. I told him to keep his voice down because she might hear.

"So you haven't even told her, I assume?"

I was digging myself into such a deep hole. I really was.

"Dad, I—" I banged my fist on the table. "I can't!"

"Well she deserves the right to at least know! You don't bring a girl like that around here and then lie to her about everything! I know true love when I see it, and you and Roshanda are the perfect example!"

I started crying right then and there. My dad got up and knelt before me, trying to get through to me while I had my head down.

"Dad, I will scare her away. She will not come back. She will be too fucking freaked out."

"She's not Susan, Tophes. She's nowhere near Susan. Roshanda is not gonna hurt you."

Through tears, I managed, "I know she won't hurt me. But if I lose her, then that's it. I'm not gonna find anyone else like her, dad. Everyone is gonna leave me in the end. Either they just die, or I tell the truth and they go."

My dad rubbed his hand up and down my back. "She's different, Chris. I know it. You're distraught over Ash and now Cherry. I get it. But you can't live in fear forever. You have to fess up eventually."

Okay, okay. It had been drilled into my head long enough. First my therapist, and now my dad. The big "duh" that was in my face the whole time, dangling menacingly.

We wrapped up the conversation and ended it with a big cliché hug.

"Do the right thing, Chris. Don't lose her. She'll stick around. Trust me."

I believed him.

I crept into bed with Rashonda to find her totally asleep. I cuddled up next to her, held her in my arms, and felt her warm, breathing body against mine. It was all I needed to go to sleep.

When I woke up the next morning, Rashonda wasn't in the bed with me. I figured she just went to the bathroom or something. But then I saw the note on my nightstand, in her lazy scrawl, and immediately snatched it up and read it, eyes still crusty and red from just waking up.

"The easiest way to lose me is to not tell me anything. I learned this when I first met you, and you're learning it now. Goodbye, Christopher. –Rashonda."