A thought has been sliding around in my mind frequently. Each time, I try to think about something else. Try to not beat myself up with the thought. But it keeps returning... each time with renewed strength and clarity. Until one day, I could take it no more.
It started the evening before, my mind rolling through the details of those thoughts. I have become more anxious and excited as the thoughts continue to stream through my conscience. Finally I have to focus on something else... I have to relax, I have to sleep. I figure a nights rest and a new day of work will purge it from my mind for now. Even with help, sleep comes hours later. So fatigued I am about to fall over.
The next morning arrives and the rest so fleeting. My sleep has been restless and short again. But further sleep is non-existent. As I go about the preparations for the day, I continue to try vainly to block these amazingly vivid thoughts. Pushing forward into another empty day, I go about my daily tasks, but without the interest of my past. Focus on the details of my job seems to help.
Then my guard falls and I can see your eyes looking up at me through the curls of your hair. I see the look of sheer pleasure in your eyes. The look that is looking at the physical signs of my approval... Tears filling my eyes, I force my focus back to work.
I am juggling as much detail as I can muster. Keeping my attention divided between as many tasks as I can find. A feeling of dread filling me as the day drags on. I know that I will not be able to block the thoughts once I get home. Even as I work frantically to maintain control, my mind is always flashing images from what has become a nightmare of thoughts.
The hours roll by and I realize the hour is late, the building long since empty and dark... except me. I know I have to give up and go home. As I code out and begin the drive home, I am unable block the images.
As I approach oncoming traffic... the twin headlights of cars, your eyes looking longingly and lovingly up at me as we walked arm in arm up a street many months earlier.
Pulling up to a stop at a red stop light, I catch the reflection of the streetlights on the face of another motorist in another car, my mind sees you sitting in a darkened room across from me as we talk, the street light, shining through the window, reflecting of your face, highlighting your features. I can see the sweep of your jaw and curve of your lips in the focused lighting. The curl of your hair, the glint of this subtle light in your eyes...
I hear a horn behind me, I suddenly realize the light is green and I have been scolded for missing it. I begin to accelerate away from the light with a quick wave over my shoulder in apology.
As I am racing up the expressway, my mind racing from conversation to conversation, image to image, the cars streaming by to my rear, the curves taken near the limit of the cars ability to grip the road, the destination seems pre-programmed into the car. My thoughts so brilliantly etched with all of the images of your eyes looking back at me, as though they had been etched there with the finest surgical laser, speaking volumes to me with every look, revealing your soul to me. Laying bare your thoughts, your fears, old memories and new.
The nose of my car entering the appointed off ramp without a realization I was even there. Turn after turn, my mind seeing only the depth of your eyes. Pulling up to a stop and setting the parking break, I crawl from my car. Walking as though I were walking to my cell, I approach my front door. After unlocking and opening the door slowly to see the darkened interior of my home, I walk in.
Walking to the light near the sofa after closing the door, I reach for it. But find myself falling back onto the sofa in the dark, my head back tears streaming down my face, the room still dark. My mind slowly focusing...
I want you so badly! I need what we shared! I need the hours of conversation, the openness and freedom of exchange. I need to feel you making love with me again. I need to feel your lips on my cock. I need to see your eyes looking into mine again. Your lips sliding slowly down my cock to its base, the head in your throat.
Feeling my erection growing as I sit there with tears in my eyes, I can hardly bear it. I have the feeling of your throat muscles rhythmically caressing the head as clearly in my mind now as then. My hand slides down the waistband of my pants to find my already rock hard cock. I am slowly caressing it, as I feel your tongue caressing the underside of the shaft of my cock. The sounds of breathing as you slide back up the shaft.
Unbuttoning and unzipping my pants with my other hand, my cock erupts to a position of attention, as the slot of my shorts part to release it. Your curly hair obscuring my view of your face, I reach down and pull back those lovely hanks of hair to a tight bunch at the back of your head.
With my thumb and forefinger joined at the tips, gliding slowly and easily up and down the length of my cock. The feeling of your lips engulfing my cock fill my mind, seeing you looking up into my eyes, the sounds of your enjoyment at making love to me through my cock. My breathing is growing deep as my fingers move slowly over the length of my cock.
I feel your pleasure at the first taste of pre-cum on your tongue, a little quiver that seems to start in your toes and ends with your tongue against my cock. My fingers, now lubricated, are gliding more firmly up and down my shaft. Your lips pausing at the base, deep in your throat, I can hardly hear my own thoughts, feeling your mouth engulfing me, the gentle shudders of pleasure vibrating through your mouth as your excitement builds.
Ahhh baby... you are so beautiful, with each stroke a little more pre-cum lubricating my fingers. My cock throbbing and straining as you continue to suckle there.
I realize I need to stand up and let my pants and shorts fall to my feet. I open my shirt and let it hang there... You kneeling there before me, one hand caressing my balls lightly with one hand as you lift the shaft with the other, and continue licking and mouthing my shaft. I feel your lips moving down my cock, finally taking one ball into your mouth and then the other.
Oh my god, baby! This is so beautiful. My hand is still holding your hair at the back of your head, pulling you down onto my cock. My hips moving forward, trying to give you all of it... it is yours. My breathing is growing deeper and more rapid.
My cock now firmly in my now slick hand moving slowly along its length, I hear your breathing, the sounds of your moans of approval and pleasure, your pace picking up as your excitement builds. I am watching as you voraciously are suckling my cock.
Ahhh... beautiful, oh my god, I love this. I reach down and find your left nipple, already erect with excitement, squeezing it between my fingers as I cup your tit in my palm. I feel you tense as I do, a shudder beginning to develop in your body. My hand gliding up and down along the length of my cock to your pace, I feel you begin to shudder more quickly...
Holding you throat in one hand and your hair at the back of your head in the other. My cock deep in your mouth, the head well into your throat, you stop, eyes close and repeatedly tense and release as you cum for me, a muffled uhhh, uhhh welling up from deep inside you ... I can feel your throat repeatedly tighten around my cock head.
Yes, just like that... just like that, Oh yes, just like that. My cock is straining in your mouth. Gently holding your head as I push my cock a little deeper into your mouth. Oh, you are so good, this feels incredible... Ahhh. I can't get enough of you.
My cock is so slick now, straining in my hand for you. Your eyes are again open and looking up at me as your mouth continues to glide up and down me... watching my reactions, watching my face, seeing my pleasure at your ministrations. Feeling the pace of my breathing feeling me tense and release in anticipation. I am so excited now I can hardly breathe.
I can feel cum beginning to well up in my cock as my hand slides along its length. The pressure I am using is about the same as the fog of my memory and excitement will allow.
I want you so bad... I don't want you to stop, baby. Oh yes, just like that, baby, just like that. Oh my god, I am cumming... Your eyes tell me of your excitement and pleasure as you mouth begins to fill with my cum. My cock beginning to spasm as my hips thrust forward deeper in your mouth again.
Between gasps for breath. Oh baby, I have wanted you to have this for so long... as I raised my hand to my mouth and begin to lick my cum from it. I can taste its salty taste and its thick texture coating my lips and tongue. I eagerly lick my hand clean, knowing how much you would have enjoyed doing this for me. This is yours... It has been all along.