iS there a time where you are not great.Goodness you rock girl keep on witcha bad self
I enjoyed your story. Thank you for allowing us to read it. Sure, you need some refinement as a writer, but with an editor who you can bounce your ideas off of and get feedback on how to make your chapters better, I believe that you could live up to that potential that we see. The more you write, the better you can become. Don't give up just because some people don't like it. Write because there are people who seem to love it and love what you write. Take the constructive criticism as just that, constructive and written to help you understand what your readers are looking for. Ignore the haters that say nothing helpful at all. And take pride in the feedback that tells you just how much people are enjoying your story. In this chapter, you gave us more of Adam and it's easier to connect with him. And your ending is so cute (Did they get married? When did they get married?). You gave us a few more details too. But, these 2 chapters together is about the length you should shoot for in one chapter. For instance, you could have given us more about Nick's apartment and Nick. He looked bad and he was depressed. Ok, what did his apartment look like, what did he look like/smell like? Did he loose any weight? When was the last time he showered or shaved? Was he eating? What was his dad doing that he wanted him to stop? Where was his dad? In his room? In the bathroom? Was he still smelly during the chase and in jail or did he shower when his parents came over? Why did his parents come over in the first place? Why did Nynia gather her friends and family at her house? You see, there's so much more that you could give us in your chapters that would help lengthen them and you could have worked in your cliff hanger too. Keep up the good work and I look forward to reading more of you.
for the story. The last couple of chapters seemed like you wanted to just wrap them up and get them over with. The actions and subsequent consequences seemed abrupt and over the top. I'm still not sure how everyone thought Nick intentionally hurt Nynia when his ex created the drama through her lies. The only thing he was remiss in was not telling her about his ex and the nature of their stunted relationship. Yet Nynia follows some convoluted plan which involves her lying and results in him being thrown in jail with a now criminal record (you can't just blow off a high speed car chase with the cops) to prove his love? Don't get it, but it's over so....Despite the dip into soap opera reality, I am looking forward to your future stories and see how you develop as a writer. Once again, thanks for the entertainment.
I had really disliked your short chapters so waited until the end to read the story in its entirety. Overall, it's not too badly written. There are just a few scenes that could have been better or could have been cut out entirely. The whole ex/being thrown in jail thing seemed a bit much to me, but that's just my take. It's really not a bad story for a first submission. I do think you can be a good writer someday. As a previous poster commented, you just need some refinement. But the talent is there :)
No I didn't like the short chapters, but I loved the story!!!! Great Job!
The chapters were short but the story flowed. I loved how Adam would do anything for Nick. Nick and Nyerina make a good couple. I look forward to your future stories.
I liked the story it seemed a little rushed but it was still good. I thought that the exwife gave up to soon...if she was fighting for her man then why did she give up so quick. Also will there be a love match between Geaorgia and Adam? Thanks for a great read.
I was loving this, up until the car chase! I laughed so hard i had to stop before i threw up! It was a little rushed, but so was their relationship :)
OMG! I was laughing so hard at the police chase scene that i think ppl may think I am insane!! It was seriously the funniest most ridiculous thing i have ever read!! I loved it!!! I really like ur stories and i get the feeling that you are new at this...you're direction is overall correct! but, it does feel very very rushed and very in descript! If u could be more descriptive it would give us (ur readers) a better picture in our heads! Keep writing tho...i love where u're headed! If i didnt have classes you'd inspire me to do a little writing of my own!
Keep up the good work!!
That was one of the best stories that I have read in a while. MORE PLEASE
Hey there! I didn't want to comment until I read the entire story. You should definitely proofread or have someone proofread your work. There were a few grammatical and spelling errors that really disrupted my ability to enjoy the piece. I was really with you until the ex showed up. Wasn't sure if they were still married or divorced? Whose baby is she carrying?
And then the part where Nynia calls him and says she's found someone else...I lost a lot of respect for her, she seemed sort of two dimensional anyway. But all her friends and family standing around encouraging her to play mind games to get him back (?)..sounds like a doomed relationship to me. And it seems like you are afraid of average looking people. In the beginning you described both his parents as being sexy and, well, it kinda creeped me out. It just seemed out of place.
I'm not a great writer, either. My two submissions hover around 4.5 but I hear one gets better with practice. Keep it up.
that was hilarious!!!!
good, but funny too.
Its Was Outstandingly Good :] Its Humorous ,Loving , Sexy , Hot and Mind Blowing. Looking Forward To Reading More Of Your Stories Sweetie :)
i liked the story. I do have a question....I assume the twins Lucian and damien are the same from 'demon at my door'....aren't they? they weren't married with kids in that story which had to be after this b/c damien dies in 'demon'. Also if they aren't human, isn't nick something other than human? just wondering...unless you just named these twins the same as those in the other story. just wanted to know.
thanks for writing. keep it up.
I wanted to see how this story played out because though I read all her other stories I've never read this one. This Damian and Lucian don't fit the other description. To the commente r below I think you just read a part wrong. Also I'm quite sure The Demon At Her Door was the first paranormal story that secrecy456 wrote. And this was started before TDAHD.
A little bit more towards the end, yet I really enjoyed this series. Keep on writing, for it gets easier, and the characters will come together in a more cohesive manner.
i really enjoyed this story.
BEST DAMN STORY I HAVE EVER READ LOVED IT OMG I LOVED IT
I just love them!
Gosh Adam and Nick are officially my favorite characters.
You have talent for creating a story that keeps readers on the edge of our seat.
I read you story about Adam and Erica first so I was puzzled when they said the cops were involved when Nick was trying to get Nynia back, but now I see! This story is on of my favorites because it has just enough drama, romance, and sex. It's great and surprisingly the short chapters didn't bother me one bit!
it is a shame you quit writing - i love the story - and will read your others. you get a 5.
Great story! Love these two!
This was a wonderful story....wow!
it was extremely over the top and not in a good cheesy way. complete waste of a good story. yhe ending with the chase and assault on officers then he is out on bailm I liked the beginning bu5 itbwas losing sense after the 2 chapter
Hi, isn't funny how people who don't like the story keep reding it? LOL Well I Loved it and Thank you..
AHAHAHAHAHAHA THAT ENDING WAS SHIT. WHAT HAPPENED? IT WAS SO GOOD IN THE BEGINNING, I THOUGHT I WAS BEING PUNK'D.
seemed a bit rushed which made it unbelievable
Crazy man nick is but a great man, doing what needs to be done for love...
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