101 Haikus For Nice And Naughty Lesbians

Smokey greetings! Lit has recently published my 100th work. But this is counting stories, not poems. So though the irony is not lost on me, I thought it cool to commemorate with a compilation of these adorable 5-7-5 poems, tailor-made for lesbians. (Even though there actually already is an entire book of them. Compliments to Anna Pulley.) Hope you like them. They’re numbered, and the ones in bold italics relate to and reflect my correspondingly numbered Sagas. For example, in 2013 came the original “Beyond Hell And Back,” in which Miss Farrah (queen of the underworld) kidnaps and turns young Holly into a woman. That was Smokey Saga #4—my first lesbian story—and so haiku #4 below will bear similarity. Enjoy!

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[1] Oh hello, it’s you!
Welcome to my humble home!…
Would you like a…drink?

[2] This is our first date.
I’m so happy you said yes!
(You’re so hot I’m wet.)

[3] I love romance, like:
candles, wine, books, movies, art…
and snuggling nude. …You?

[4] A red-hot Devil
once showed me heavenly hell…
Now she owns my soul.
(“Beyond Hell And Back”)

[5] I knew I was gay
once my teen years were upon.
When did you find out?

[6] Girls fascinate me.
You too?? Gee, how did I know?
Double-X for life.

[7] Some are not thrilled I
found the closet’s exit, but
I won’t go back in.

[8] I’ve found heaven now…
Wings and halo are all she
keeps on when we boink.
(“Beyond Hell And Back 2”)

[9] My intrigue in you
grows with every trait we share.
Opposites repel.

[10] I’m Your biggest fan,
You’re my favorite singing star—
Goddess of my dreams.
(“For Happy Endings It Takes Two”)

[11] What shall we go do?
Dinner? Dancing? Movies? Stroll?...
All of the above!

[12] Between rampant sex,
even newlyweds fight, ’cause
they love each other.
(“Give Me A Little Credit Here”)

[13] When a girl is bad,
she must be punished, in ways
she won’t really like.
(“Beyond Hell And Back 3”)

[14] My last ex-girlfriend
moved in with me way too soon:
U-Haul lesbians.

[15] I think it’s cool you’re
still friends with your ex-girlfriends.
Mine just tease me now…

[16] You dated her too??
Guess I shouldn’t be surprised;
all gay chicks are “linked.”

[17] Going to prison—
not ideal for gay girls to
meet more of their own.
(“Semi-Fresh Meat”)

[18] First dates are great fun
for girls made for each other,
making love in dreams.
(Happy Endings 2 “Won’t You Smile Awhile For Me”)

[19] I enjoy the gym.
Sometimes I can meet chicks there.
I say, “G-spot me!”

[20] Make an ‘L’ with your
thumb and finger on your chin.
Boom: “lesbian” sign!

[21] Sometimes homophobes
just don’t learn until they are
taught a harsh lesson.
(“Step-Mommie Dearest”)

[22] I’m your girl, you’re mine…
Make the love I long to feel…
Make me yours tonight.
(Happy Endings 3 “Drowning In The Sea Of Love”)

[23] Girl meets girl meets girl;
first girl says, “ménage à trois!”
Big bad ‘o’s for three.

[24] I’m a girl and you
are also a girl, so let’s
turn some heads today.

[25] When lesbians play
games that have “strip” in their name,
EV’RYBODY wins!
(“How To Wage A Wargasm”)

[26] Once in a lifetime,
fate brings that special girl who
turns your world around.
(Step-Mommie Dearest 2 “A Date With Fate (Jessie’s Girl)”)

[27] Karma is a bitch.
What goes around comes around.
Evil girls go good.
(Step-Mommie Dearest 3 “And The Truth Shall Set You Free”)

[28] Mistress has me bound…
Pussy quivers at her smile…
I belong to her.

[29] If you think your wife’s
up to things behind your back,
talk, about, it, first.
(Give Me A Little More Credit Here “Costly Confusion”)

[30] Four nipples, four tits,
two pussies, two clits. And love.
What more do you need??

[31] Electrifying…
humiliating…torture.
Naught gets me hotter.
(“Shelly-Shock”)

[32] Tenderly we spoon,
breasts massage each other’s backs,
half-asleep in love.
(Happy Endings 4 “The One Thing I’ll Never Regret”)

[33] I rock power tools.
My most powerful of all
shall be used on you.

[34] Gentlemen, you’re cool…
But listen; we’re friggin’ gay.
Stop saying “threesome.”

[35] When you’re into girls,
sorority hazing is
just a bit more fun.
(“Erica Versus The House”)

[36] I don’t mean to brag,
but my Mistress adores me
like a “Mom.” Does yours?

[37] Well hello there, you…
You used to babysit me!
Now we’re both grown-up…
(“The Babysitter”)

[38] You never can tell
what might bring girls together…
even a lost dog.
(“Lost And Found”)

[39] Ever wondered how
to drive a ticklish chick nuts?
It’s real fun to learn.
(“How To Tickle A Girl Insane”)

[40] Have you been phoned by
a female obscene caller?
Would you enjoy it?
(“Don’t Call ME…”)

[41] Chess is nice to play.
With two queendoms’ naughty queens,
chess is kinky too.
(“Long Live The Queen”)

[42] I love to spoon you…
But it’s knife today, so let’s
go the fork outside.

[43] Mom drunk-punished me.
She tied me up in bed and
showed me who was boss!
(“Mother And Child Communion”)

[44] Platonic dude friends
can make great pals—“les-bros”—we’ll
chase chicks together!

[45] Bad girls go to hell—
with new meaning to the phrase:
“passionate sizzle.”
(“Beyond Hell And Back 4”)

[46] My memory’s gone…
As you help me get it back…
I drown in your love.
(“Beauty Pool Knockout”)

[47] Once upon a time,
happily ever after,
two lesbians fucked.

[48] She came from the wild,
like a primal animal,
to sink in her fangs.
(“Hungry Like The Wolfgirl”)

[49] Dame of the manor
finds me and another maid…
in a…ticklish trap.
(“Maid In America”)

[50] My girlfriend’s sister
indirectly taught me well
how to save a life.
(Happy Endings 5 “I’ll Catch You Whenever You Fall”)

[51] When a lady spy’s
captured by her enemies…
info’s tortured out.
(“Lesbionage”)

[52] In a bad union,
a good friend can be really
nice to have around.
(“Through Thick And Thin”)

[53] Meet the boss from hell.
She plays too dirty and rough.
But big girls don’t cry…
(“How To Punish A Vindictive Boss”)

[54] Penny for your thoughts.
While the line is very fine,
fortune favors brave.
(“Lost And Found 1½: Miracles”)

[55] Philanthropic work
makes people feel cool and good.
So does hot strip sex.
(“Lost And Found 2: Where The Heart Is”)

[56] It’s softball season.
Time to train, and watch yourself…
Someone plays hardball.
(Happy Endings 6 “Seize The Moments Of Your Life”)

[57] Went home with a chick…
But trust me, I got far more
than I bargained for.
(“Do You Trust Me?” lesbian version)

[58] From girl to woman,
doing what is right for you
can never be wrong.
(“On Your Shoulder”)

[59] Girlfriends are the best…
…’Less they cheat and break your heart.
Then they’re not the best.
(“Housekeeping!”)

[60] I fancy fine books
and shagging beautiful girls.
Both are jolly fun.
(“A Night At Millicent’s”)

[61] Love can be unkind.
Some gals use drastic means to
find their perfect mates.
(“Special Deliveries”)

[62] When faced with a test
to your values and beliefs,
weigh all pros and cons.
(“Come Out, Come Out…”)

[63] Painting is great fun.
Painting a hot nude “model”…
brings “fun” to its peak.
(“The Art Of The Squeal”)

[64] Heroes come along
when you need them, when you don’t.
You can be your own.
(Beauty Pool Knockout 2 “Zoe And Lizzy’z Exzellent Adventurez”)

[65] Those who can do, teach.
But those who mistreat students
better watch their backs.
(“Who’s Teaching Whom?”)

[66] Best friends move away…
New friends come along sometimes…
Some with benefits.
(“Friends And Live-Ins”)

[67] Impromptu models
for sexhibitions can come
from all avenues.
(“How To Greet An Unwelcome Guest”)

[68] When you wish upon
a shooting star, be careful
what you do so for.
(“Brain Storm”)

[69] Hi again, ol’ pal!
Guess what?? I’ve shackled you up!
Now revenge is mine.
(“The Babysitter 2”)

[70] The library’s booked
for true love at first sight, and
festive engagements!
(“Imperfect Strangers”)

[71] Need an oasis?
Some pampering R and R?
We’ve got it right here…
(“Cumming Cleansed”)

[72] I was sad because
my birthday went forgotten.
But I’m HAPPY now!
(“Eleven”)

[73] Secrets that you keep
from your wife may come back to
bite you in the cunt.
(“Fatal Edge”)

[74] Small lies can be cute,
but big ones can be trouble.
Cry wolf at own risk!
(“Lying Young”)

[75] Hey pretend auntie,
let’s cuddle, tickle, fondle.
Thanks for picking me.
(“The Art Of The Squeal 2”)

[76] Ginger’s perfect cunt
makes me want a tangerine;
carpet matches drapes.
(“Housekeeping! 2”)

[77] Hey real-life auntie,
let’s get drunk and play board games.
Then I’ll make you cum.
(“Annie’s Yuletide Gamble”)

[78] Twelve girls, unique all,
toy and mess with each other
in their naughty group.
(“The C.F.N.F. Club”)

[79] Gotta call OnStar
to guide me on this dumb trip…
…Oh. Hello…who’s this?
(“Rerouted”)

[80] Wife has a secret…
Linked to condemned afterlife…
Well hell, I’ll be damned.
(“Beyond Hell And Back 5”)

[81] I cherish my job.
My boss lady’s smokin’ hot.
Cube neighbor’s cute too.
(“Clerical Terror”)

[82] If there’s something strange,
in wake of your lost, crushed heart…
…Who ya gonna call?
(“Spirits In The Material World”)

[83] Hey, it’s Mother’s Day.
Now that I love my step-Mom—
…Where did you come from??!
(Step-Mommie Dearest 4 “Maternal Girl”)

[84] Maybe love is blind.
Or nearsighted. Either way,
love’s beauty is real.
(“Ducklings”)

[85] What a big “clubhouse.”
Now let’s get our game on, and
punish our loser(s).
(forthcoming story)

[86] I don’t want to fight.
We’re both so emotional…
Kiss away my tears.
(forthcoming story)

[87] Go Martina N.!
Go WNBA!
Go athletic girls!

[88] Tonight we’ll make love…
I shall bathe you with my tongue…
…Cunning linguistics.

[89] Ladies, women, girls,
damsels, dames, birds, chicks and dolls
make the world go round.

[90] Sappho, Medusa,
Spinster, On Our Backs, Diva,
Gossip, Curve and She.

[91] When you’re on your own,
or your girl’s not in the mood,
easy: just “frig it.”

[92] I love my “plannel.”
You’ll always see me in these
cute button-up shirts.

[93] Is a woman’s sex
hotter in display, or one’s
imagination?

[94] Wow, what a first date!
Can’t believe it went all day.
Can we meet again?

[95] Sorry, what was that?...
We’re not done meeting tonight?...
Oh my goodness me…

[96] Oh my god, a kiss…
I’m melting. Your sugar lips
have turned to hot fudge.

[97] Oh my god, your skin…
I’ve a waterbed. Come in—
the water is fine.

[98] Feminine mystique
reaches a new level when
you’re in bed with me.

[99] Guess which part of me
has become a Skittle’s size?
Taste that rainbow, now!

[100] Ecstasy is ours…
Climb to climax, what a ride…
Next stop: Slumberland.

[101] Thanks again, my friend,
for spending this time with me.
Do please cum again.