101 Lesbian Haikus By The Numbers

This piece was a lot of fun to research and put together. This time, each haiku has something to do with what number it is in the sequence. A third of them pertain to lesbian-related events of the number’s corresponding 20th century year. The noteworthy women mentioned throughout are gay or bisexual, and/or have been known to have a romantic or sexual attachment to other women. I’ll also be bringing out another new set of lesbian haikus with erotic content, making that my next erotic poetry submission. This one is non-erotic, more just for fun and Sapphic tribute. For one more unique twist, I’ve decided to randomize the numbers. We start with #17—the total number of syllables in a haiku (5-7-5). Enjoy. Questions? Comments? Drop a… um… line.

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[17] Lesbian haikus—
unique hybrid of great fun.
Syllables abound!

[100] Give your girl your all…
Hundo your relationship…
…That’s all one can ask.

[62] Nineteen sixty-two:
Rosie-ann O’Donnell gets
her first View of life.

[44] Now you’ve done it, sweets…
Made me scream so hard with lust,
my poor throat needs Vicks.

[48] September ’18:
activist Molly McKay’s
forty-eighth birthday.

[89] Nineteen eighty-nine:
Ames and Emmy Indigo
get “Closer To Fine.”

[9] On Christmas day nine,
you gave me nine dancing girls.
…A gift for us both.

[25] What I want this year:
you, your love, your devotion…
…your Christmas presence.

[67] Sixty-seven gave
us Coyote Pretty gal
Maria Bello.

[32] I like to nibble…
Grind your flesh between my teeth…
…Between all of them.

[54] Average U.S. chicks
buy fifty-four clothes each year.
Now take me shopping.

[90] One-nine-nine-zero:
Kristen “Bella” Stewart’s born…
…but, what time of day??

[64] Kiss me one minute…
When we’re done, boom: sixty-four
calories burned off.

[66] Where have we wound up,
making love in my car… hey…
…don’t we know this Route?

[39] Nineteen thirty-nine:
welcome to your brand-new world,
Miss Lily Tomlin.

[79] We’re bright shiny girls…
Our jewelry and union both
G-O-L-D. BLING!!

[80] In the eighties, I
drove a Mercury Capri.
’Twas my chick magnet.

[83] Nineteen eighty-three:
Sally Rides up into space…
…still in the closet.

[47] Forty-seven strings,
of your harp and of my heart,
all of which you play.

[88] My piano girl…
I love it when you tickle
those iv’ries for me.

[93] Nineteen ninety-three:
Melissa Etheridge breaks
through the fame Window.

[26] The quick brown fox jumps
over the lazy dog. NOW,
read my pangram sext.

[18] Ever been freaky
on a golf course?... You want the
front nine… or back nine?

[73] One-nine-seven-three:
de Rossi: born. Maddow: born.
Jean King: triumphant.

[37] Not gay herself, but
Laura “Alex Vause” Prepon’s
breasts: thirty-sevens.

[38] She is gay herself,
and Raven-“O.K.”-Symoné
boasts two thirty-eights.

[85] Nineteen eighty-five:
Louise Brooks leaves us… unsure
if she fancied girls.

[5] British lasses think
about sex five times a day.
…But to what detail?

[81] Those same chicks and birds
have a shag eighty-one times
every single year.

[94] Nineteen ninety-four:
four Non-Blonde chicks ask “What’s Up”—
or… WHAT’S GOING ON??!

[41] Puede llamarnos
las cuarenta y una.
Sin, somos libres.

[76] Janu’ry ’19:
cub-dating Holland Taylor
hits her seven-six.

[98] Nineteen ninety-eight:
Agnes wants to be shown love
in Fucking Åmål.

[1] I am unattached.
No girlfriend, but that’s okay;
I do me just fine.

[21] I do not need booze;
I get blotto on your love.
Intoxicate me.

[31] Nineteen thirty-one:
Jane Addams—first woman to
win the Nobel Prize.

[55] ’Scuse me, ma’am, it seems
you’ve exceeded fifty-five…
…It’s 5:5 for you.

[50] My girl’s Hawaiian.
As of nineteen fifty-nine,
she’s American.

[84] Nineteen eighty-four:
Kate McKinnon’s born, making
that Friday Night Live.

[6] Did you know that six
translates into the word “sex”
in five languages?

[36] Who says being square
is bad?? Especially when
you’re the square of “sex.”

[71] One-nine-seven-one:
Janis Ian’s “Rainbow” song
predates its symbol.

[45] As of Feb. ’19,
fitness guru Jill Michaels
has reached forty-five.

[35] My nympho girlfriend
makes me grant her five orgasms,
seven days a week.

[87] One-nine-eight-seven:
Ellen “Juno” Page is born…
…E.P. meets E.P.

[69] I’ve four tasty lips…
…as do you. Let’s find ways to
get them all involved.

[40] Sweet darling girl… with
the orgasms you give me… come
more than forty winks.

[61] Sixty-one: M.E.,
k.d., Laura Flanders all
see the light of gay.

[19] Shall I have your vote?...
You’ve already got my vote…
…Mayor of my heart.

[46] We’ve twenty-three pairs,
not of shoes, but “chromes,” my love…
…And each one’s an X.

[56] Nineteen fifty-six:
movie mom Wendy Crewson
Clause into the world.

[99] See inmates tortured…
…by the evil warden in…
…99 Women.

[30] End of the month blues…
My “friend”’s worn out her welcome…
…Make her go away…

[82] Nineteen eighty-two:
Heather Matarazzo’s born,
gives us some X-Os.

[8] If the Octomom
were a lesbian, would she
have an octo-puss?

[59] So, this is New York’s
Queensboro Bridge. Just two girls…
So… feelin’ groovy?

[91] Ninety-one: a young
big new lebbi icon’s born—
Hayley Kiyoko.

[96] You know it’s bed death
when you and she lie there and
do a ninety-six.

[52] Fancy thou a game?...
Get my girly playing cards.
Strip poker. …I deal.

[65] Nineteen sixty-five:
hello, Maile Flanagan,
hi, Linda Perry.

[12] Nine, ten, eleven,
twelve o’clock bop, we’re gonna
bop around the clock…

[23] One wife takes a dame…
…and the other wife comes home!
Twenty-three skidoo!

[51] Nineteen fifty-one:
Charlotte Whitton’s Canada’s
major mayor girl.

[3] She plus she plus she…
We is you plus you plus me…
…Let’s make love as three.

[63] June ’19: writer
and wife’s wife Patty Cornwell
hits a nice six-three.

[74] One-nine-seven-four:
Sarah Paulson’s born, grows up,
moves to Cougarland.

[42] Forty-two degrees…
V-I-B-G-Y-O-R…
…Frosty brisk gay day.

[68] One less: oral sex…
It may take us longer, but
we can focus more.

[77] Seventy-seven:
Sam Ronson, Clea Duvall
say hello to life.

[29] Look before you Leap…
I was born in sixty-eight…
…But I’m only twelve.

[4] Did they flirt with us?...
Yes, it was a double date…
…But I think they swing.

[53] Nineteen fifty-three:
groundbreaker Anna Rüling
draws her final breath.

[2] We go hand in hand,
doing all things together.
You and me for life.

[34] A passionate kiss
will put thirty-four facial
muscles hard to work.

[58] Nineteen fifty-eight:
Ellen Lee DeGeneres,
welcome to the world!!

[95] There are ninety-five
Lesbian Theses on the
empty closet’s door.

[49] You know, my bod has
forty-eight erogen—WHOA!...
…Make that forty-nine.

[57] One-nine-five-seven:
Kelly Ann McGillis draws
her first breath of life.

[11] Overnight we lose
’bout eleven ounces weight…
I… am sleeping in.

[22] The fine word “fine” has
twenty-two definitions.
All I know’s you’re fine.

[70] Nineteen seventy:
Janis Joplin adjourns, with
a Piece of our Hearts.

[16] Goddess Pussa had
sixteen arms. Oh, the things she
could’ve done to me.

[60] Goddess, that was quick…
One-night stand and then she was
Gone In Sixty Secs.

[28] Nineteen twenty-eight:
Radclyffe Hall publishes The
Well Of Loneliness.

[86] I know it’s over…
I’m sorry I broke your heart…
…Farewell, my dear friend.

[15] Not dead—or a man—
but my chest has fifteen girls
on it. YO-ho-ho!

[78] One-nine-seven-eight:
Taryn Manning is born, while
black’s still The New Black.

[43] She may very well
pass for forty-three…hot dames,
who’ll lust after her.

[24] Newlyweds are we…
Twelve midnight to twelve midnight!...
…We made love all day!

[33] Nineteen thirty-three:
semi-lebbi Fran Perkins
goes into Labor.

[14] It’s Valentine’s Day…
There’s a heart somewhere on me…
…You have to find it.

[97] Ninety-seven cigs
were smoked last week. We had sex
ninety-seven times.

[92] Nineteen ninety-two:
kathryn dawn Craves another
hit song. Constantly.

[10] Since they let us wed,
one full decade has it been.
Ten’s a ton of tin.

[13] Iron’s hot, I struck—
Snatched you up as you came by.
…We’re two lucky girls!!

[75] One-nine-seven-five:
Sara Gilbert falls to Earth,
lands right on TV.

[7] Red, orange, yellow, green,
blue, indigo and purple.
Raise that flag with Pride!!

[20] Billie-Jean King won
twenty Wimbledon titles.
My score’s always love.

[27] One-nine-two-seven:
Garbo meets Lilyan Tashman.
...Were they more than friends??

[72] Each of our hearts beats
seventy-two times per min…
…till we gets frisky.

[101] In bed for the night…
Just you and I together…
…And our Dalmatians.