All Comments on 'A Simple Afternoon'

Great and sexy!!

Not so sexy, but it reminds me of the time I thought I was raped by an ape but it turned out to be my unshaved husband. A few errors of grammar and tense but what the heck. I fumbled as well trying to help, it ain't easy being a poet.

ex.With explosive need her hips thrust out

And meet his in flooded rush

Her mound erupts, wets and squirts

Geysers, flows and gush

Explosively her hips thrust

to meet his rushing flood

Her wet mound erupts and squirts

Geysers flow and gush

Thank you! Please keep writing :-)

I see what you're trying to say. It makes sense to an extent. However, the author is following an A,B,C,B rhythmic pattern. While your suggestion would be grammatically correct, I believe it's an artistic choice formatted to keep the flow ongoing in the author's peice? Of course, I might be wrong. Just my two cents. :)