All Comments on 'A Soul's Salvation'

into smaller, more compact ideas. you have overused your pronouns and have falling into a narrative that doesn't convey any ( or little) emotion. you need to *show* us with your heart-- turn your pain, joy,anger and hope into emotions that make us feel it as well. You grasp the language well, just put your heart into it and you will know when it's good because you will feel a bit breathless, and a bit sad that you're letting it all out, but it feels so good!!!

Sort of a cross between prose and rap

With the worst of each;

A bit of a detached reading like from an outside observer;

Or if you want a more potent image,

Like sitting on a cold table while the doctor reads you your condition from your medical file ~ it has no feeling.

One person's conflict and problems with another individual. Finally forced to abandon hope ~ and let fate take its course.