All Comments on 'A Submissive's Desire'
by Chiara_searches
- 7 Comments
GuiltyPleasureabout 13 years agoNice first submission. The idea of a cock "keening" is slightly unsettling. I'm not very taken by the action in this poem but that's just me.
Keep writing and submitting.
Tess
Esperanza_Hidalgoabout 13 years agonot my thing, but think you may have something, so go, go, go.
fridayamabout 13 years agoyou should advertise an acrostic by capitalizing--it just says "Hey, I'm clever", when it should be subtle. There are some good moments here--but what will your second poem be about?
theognisabout 13 years agoI think you should definitely have allowed the reader to slowly discover the acrostic during the reading of the poem, rather than by your immediately shouting it out in capital letters.
'Undulating hips' seems feminine, to me, and I agree that 'keening' doesn't seem the right word, for a cock.
With all that, somehow it's still a five.
*****
Anonymousabout 13 years agoDon't take any notice of a sad old wanker sitting at home capitalizing his acrostic. He'll probably go blind.
