All Comments on 'Addiction'

if i stand too close to this one, i'll fall in. Been there.

Better this time around - no visual distractions.

A couple small suggestions. Words such as the, and, or, but, that really say nothing - try to edit them out, when possible. I know sometimes they do work, but I've found them to be poetic "junk food."

Another small suggestion for this strophe:

"I try to scream with no voice,

My silent cry falling on a deaf ear,

I battle with my feelings,

As you departure draws near."

Try:

"I try to scream with no voice,

My silent cry falls on a deaf ear,

I battle with my feelings,

As your departure draws near."

Careful with gerunds - I changed falling to falls. This gives greater impact; it's more active. No harm in gerunds; you can even choose to deliberately use them to help in rhythm, rhyme, or a soft romantic feel.

Keep it up.

Just friends ~ who become a good deal more to each other. Poignant rendering.

filled with raw emotion..well done.