All Comments on 'Alone'

by sandoula

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  • 2 Comments
LeBrozLeBrozover 17 years ago
~~

Here's a piece suffering major punctuation deficiencies. The strophe about a face that is so familiar could be made much stronger without the, "Still I feel lonely Why?"

Pump up the facial familiarity and the memories it triggers and make it lead into a statement. Would be much more powerful.

duddle146duddle146over 17 years ago
alone

She's just a whole lot like you ~ but she's not you. I'm alone.

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