All Comments on 'An Unslaked Thirst'

This is a teriffic poem that needs a good edit. The sustained metaphor works beautifully, but there's some wordiness and fuzzy spots that keep it from really singing. Just my opinion, but your poem has so much potential--it just isn't yet reached. :)

with some excellent phrasing: "...metropolis of tinder..." I love that. I can see your poetry improving, keep working on it.

You'll want to fix one typo (its' should be its for the possesive of it) otherwise, very good.

jim :)

Excellent preceding comments, especially wordiness;

It is conceptually overflowery but emotionally bare.

In simpler terms, the words are too big;

Smaller words carry greater emotional punch.

And I agree too that there's a great deal going for this piece; just needs to be edited to make it lean.

The Thrill is gone ~ the fires of passion will burn themselves out.