All Comments on 'Annihilation by Shadows'

This is another that needs serious medical attention.

Flames give off light that annihilates shadows. This is like trying to mix oil and water.

You are having your head cut off by Royalty for stealing to survive. Why would they bother to witness your execution, unless you stole directly from their pockets? Work this information in for the reader's sake.

You know what is missing from this because you are trying to relate too much story from your perspective?

The arrogance and attitude of the people who don't value human life who are going to kill you. The more you impress this upon the reader, the more the reader will sympathize with the executed. So far, all you have is "watch with mindless glee".

Distance yourself. Become an onlooker. Now what do you see? Work those observations into the story.

You've inspired me to write my own version. I will be posting these in Threads for Metal Heads in the Poetry Discussion & Feedback forum.