All Comments on 'As You Watch'

Lovely poem - so full of feeling. Wish I could receive love like that.

"yours" and "pause", "rise" and "tide" are not really rhyming pairs. There is so much feeling here, I wonder if the poem would have come across more effectively WITHOUT the rhymes. You seemed to be trying hard to make everything rhyme, and I think the poem sounded more "forced" as a result.