All Comments on 'Awaiting Dawn'

Wow ... A picture of pain and torture it seems.

Such emotion on the surface, even going deep down.

Nice pen on this poem. A lil choppy at first,

then it smoothed right out. Might just be me ...

Liked this heart wrenching poem. Makes me wanna

reach out an Hugg ya ~!! *Smiles Kindly *

More Please~

tis the word here...blue

There's something you did very well here - other than, I'm certain, touching the heart of whoever you write this poem for. You managed to maintain a good flow despite of the rhyme, so it didn't feel forced, nor did it force you to any weird constructions.

On the other hand, I feel it could be a lot stronger at the imagery level, and the flow of the entire piece would have benefited from a greater attention to metre. Another thing that added to that choppiness that was mentioned was the sudden change in voice mid-way through the poem. The first part speaks of "Him", and then, without warning, switches to "You".

I also have a little knee-jerk reaction whenever I see those awful BDSM-chat capitalisations, but I promise I won't hold it against you. It would have been much worse if it were the other way around. :D

That anonymous was me. :)

I can only hope for you that he is holding your hand

A sub freed by her Dom, yet she senses the pain he carries and hides. A couple jagged spots could use some tweaking, minor really.

A person poor in spirit ~ awaits the day of freedom.