All Comments on 'Beautiful Dreamer'

Watch that rhyme

Watch that rhyme

More important to keep the message unified.

What it looks like are two line thoughts, about the same subject, but not flowing together, melding.

Seconding the big number man's thoughts. You've got what amounts to a collection of couplets tied together into a whole. If you were to experiment with something like the ghazal with its easier rhyme structure, you'd still have to work the couplets so that each could stand alone yet also fit with the whole, as pearls on a string. Unfortunately, you don't accomplish this here, though you show major promise.

How important it is to shine in your own light instead of someone else's.

how some authors are able to meter and prose shakespeare, TK U MLJ LV NV

whether intended or not, I like that, It shows insight, TK U MLJ LV NV