All Comments on 'Beds from a Backpack'

made me laugh, esp the line 'solicitous and snoring englishmen dream of pussy'

(being half English, this comment made me chuckle)

Quite a funny poem but consider shortening it. I felt that it was too long. Do you really need all the details put in?

Go through it with a comb and chuck out anything that detracts from the poem.

Do we really need to know, for instance,

'while its pubic bush caresses my leg as gently as fine velvet' ?

Think about cutting out some of the adjectives and simplifying some of the lines.

the comments below.

There is the core of a very good poem here. Needs a haircut.

Also, the note at the beginning, IMO, is totally unnecessary and should be removed. Explanation of where you were is not necessary, and the reader knows what a hostel is, or should. If they don't they can look it up.

Welcome to Lit. Let's see some more poetry. This is a good start.

Concur ~ it needs some trimming.

My suggestion is, if you feel an explanatory note is necessary, put it at the foot of the poem, not the head. After reading through the poem, more likely to cause the reader to reread the poem and better appreciate the work.

Oh yes, Welcome to Lit; what else have you got to offer?

*Whew* I feel like I need about a weeks vacation to rest up from the trip this Poet takes us on with this poem. Fun to read.