All Comments on 'Blank Pages'

your literary art in emotions poeticly displayed~

blank page~ compiled cute string of words dancing to an order.

but it is intersperced with some rough prose that I think weakens the focus of the poem. The first for lines, maybe six lines grabbed me and I thought wow... this is fine poetry, but then came a longer line, tossed in too casually. This can work, but a prose like line in the poem will attract attention and therefore must be as strong if not stronger than the poetry surrounding it.

ie. "Though I can't recall what that was since the computer trash box ate away Memories once transcribed through tears, sorrow and rage."

While the content of this line is heartfelt, it lacks the intense focus you held in the lines preceeding it. There are several other passages where you slip away and I think it weakens the poem.

There is an excellent poem here, you just need to trim away the excess and find it. I think if you remained consistant with the first four lines and either eliminate or shorten the other lines this poem will soar.

"Blank pages are frightening.

The ones with the blue lines,

As those in blue jean packages

Standing at the front door.

He is so different.

The façade the same,

but the rest a changed person.

Time has helped. Age has helped.

The small lines under His eyes

traveled into his spirit

and added a depth.

That was not there before.

So much was not there before."

I think something like this... with perhaps some minor tweaks.

Like I said, fantastic poem here, you just need to trim away the excess.

jim : )

Well done piece and I concur with Jim

Ought to excise about half that's written

Too much verbiage overloading the message;

Read a couple times and see how it flows -

The first and last dozen lines or so work well;

The rest is dead weight, keeping this from being excellent.

Though time changes everything and everyone still the good that was there still remains with arms outstretched.

as a token of conditions. TK U MLJ LV NV