All Comments on 'Child'

One of my teachers always used to tell us, "Show me, don't tell me!" I think that would be appropriate constructive advice for this poem. Don't tell us that they're kissing, SHOW us. Don't tell us that they're dancing, that they're touching, etc. Instead, show us. Poetry is a great way for showing instead of telling. Take advantage of the poetic freedom to paint pictures with words and I guarantee you that you'll have a much more remarkable poem.

Last comment could have been more constructive. You've just made a factual statement ~ cold, unemotional. What kind of kiss? Was it rushed or slow and sensual? Did their souls melt together?