by Bill Dada
Typically clever Dada -- not sure it absolutely needed the last line, however...
Has a wonderful oriental simplicity, shed of all unnecessary dressing.
bb
....can filter out the grounds to get the essence quite like you. Lovely!
Tess
I love it Bill. I could see where it was going, I thought, lol ... Nice imagery here with a splash of humor ... More Please~~~
...a poem that can surprise me, especially when it managed it in so few lines. Well done.
I thought the truck stop was needed, gave a bluntness to the poem, really drove the point, making sure there was nothing cutesie about this poem.
I only wish that there was more white space as a default at the end of the poem between the last line and the "– Click here for a bio and to find more submissions by Bill Dada."
The only way around it is to add code for a line break or two at the end of your submissions. < br >
I know it is nitpicky, but it seems that a poem like this deserves a pause before the literotica imput line. Okay, just a little neurosis of mine. Carry on, Bill :)
grabbed my attention and the short images were tight and direct...nice senryu
blue
comes from a mulitude of places,
and thus, even the waitress at
the truck stop.
I loved your quick witt and word play,
and wrapping it up so neatly
in very short lines...
If I were the waitress,
you could nearly bet, there
would be scribbles on the back of my
order pad, I love you's, and IOU's..
clever, very clever ~
With firm peaches and a smile-
sGp
it's short....and brilliant! and sad, but true, said very well. ;)
I enjoy your work, ~ NJ