All Comments on 'Cold rain fell, marriage disolves'

I like it but it still needs work. There are places where the rhythm lets you down: you have fallen into a common trap. As the writer, the rhythm you hear in your head is not the same as the rhythm the reader hears. For example, the first line only works if you assign 2 syllables to fell. You are trying to create a feeling of relentlessness but I kept stunning over rhythmic anomolies.

I've just finished editing a potential prize winning poetry mss. and so have my head ringing with these issues.

I love the emotion of this. I do wish it didn't rhyme, for me the feelings would be stronger. It is a brave thing to write it that way. I absolutely love the subtle beauty and tragedy in the way you write.