All Comments on 'Departing'

the gently flowing language nicely intimated that almost passive state between sleep and being awake. I loved the breath tiptoeing on your arm, wonderful, sensual image. Nice work on this gentle, bittersweet poem.

jim : )

Best line:

Eyes awake as you escape

Worst line: (compounded by opening)

A hot sultry night

agree with Jim, although, I admit I overlooked, because of lack of strengh of opening and closing lines, it may have been better opening with the second line instead, that seems to ask a question, instead of here we go again, another hot sultry night.

"sultry" also destroys the dream like quality that rest of the poem conveys.

Love that 'breath tiptoes' line and this whole transitional stage between sleep and wakefullness.

This poem was mentioned in the Archival Review thread, in a picking through Lit's archive of over 37,500 poems.

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