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Click herepale words hang in sterile air
once charged with fiery hope
faint fading pulses
'neath translucent skin -
grey blue on glass bone
life whisper rasps
through parched lips
to caress my mind
still
achingly beautiful
still
rapt by feathery wings of light
the dream floats free
bathed in the flatline glow
eerie embers of optimism
expire with one last gasp
one last tear
one lasting scar
I love the way this is written. Economy of verse. Wonderful. I loved it.
Seems to be about shadows, so it is appropriate that it feels like shadows.
ty,bd
as it all fades
away awash in gray
dreams and memories
departing steam
exhales in winter
we stand on the runway
as sighted down flat flight lines
we watch and wave
good bye
Literate, compelling use of words. It does strike me as sad and final. Beautiful.
I liked the second stanza the most. This is a well crafted poem but I have to agree with TheRainMan, especially with the first stanza. You have created some really great images, but remember brevity and of suggestion. Aside from that, a good poem!
But I find this poem far too heavy with adjectives to have any real chance of saying too much. I think to improve the quality of your writing, you need to be more spare with adjectives and let the nouns and verbs move the poem forward. Modifiers can't do that. They are the shadow, not the image.
I like this. It has a sad quality. I do not know if you intended this, imp, but it comes across as the end, or near the end of a life. reminds me of my grandma. anyway, you did an excellent job with your descriptions, and a good job putting in the feeling. good work;)