All Comments on 'Growing Up'

as aging and maturing, TK U MLJ LV NV

.....sentiments here but if you simply re-wrote the lines as prose it would read just the same so, not really poetry, more like prose broken into verses.

The advice that Tristesse has offered and run with it. You need to pare this down somewhat. You mention several times that you are the big sister, so assume that your readers got that the first couple of times they read it and work the piece so it is not repeated to the point of being irritating.

You do have some things going for you, I can tell you enjoy writing, but parts of your work are vague, and there are items of punctuation which are unnecessary.

Someone told me once, ( Rybka) about commas, " when in doubt, leave it out."

Also, there are a few places where I think you left off a letter... ie- here, I can only assume that you meant "now"-- not ""No you, my big,"" and " fore" should be "for" ?

Here, you could omit "even" and make the poem stronger. Sometimes, the fewer words the better..

I know you do not know me, ( unless this is an alt name) but I offer these suggestions with nothing in my heart but good intentions and the desire to help you as so many talented people, like Tristesse, helped me when I first joined the poetry board.

One piece pf advice I would offer to anyone who writes poetry or prose, PLEASE read your work aloud before you submit it to be posted. You might be surprised how many mistakes you can catch by listening to your finished product.

One more thing, beginning each line with a cap is not the best way to go. I do realize that some spell check programs reset the poem with caps in editing, but override it and see how a cap verses a lower case can influence the meaning and help or hinder the strength of the line.

Best wishes, and I enjoyed reading your offerings today.

Also, since I am the "volunteer reviewer" I did not vote on the poems I was entrusted with.

Keep writing!!!

~ maria :)

i know these are a little rough. i wrote them when i was 19 or 20. im almost 30 now. same with my other submission. i was just transferring from another account. i was thinking of writing some non-erotic but am not sure how to go about it right now