by erotic_synchronicity
good tactic:
"You are not, you are not, you are not good enough!..."
when something stupid is being said, stick it in someone else's mouth
this I find priceless:
A field of infinite vision and delight: me
:me, bizarre end line, other people might not, but I like this kind of shit,
on the down side
The saccharine self-loathing
is kind of cliched, trite, not overly but it is part of the ending
5ed
mainly because it's a supremely uncomfortable read: full of loathing and desperate dickering (pun sort of intentional). Any poem that evokes this kind of discomfort in me as a reader is a very effective poem. Any poem that creates a successful mood is good in my book.
I agree with 1201 that the two lines he noted--
A field of infinite vision and delight: me
and
"You are not, you are not, you are not good enough!
center the poem and give it purpose. Both great lines. That second one and the poem overall kinda has a Prufrock feel to me.
I will read more from you. You have a gift for poetry imho.