by UnderYourSpell
5, I keep looking for a rime scheme...which must mean..the rhythm..never mind.
kept looking for ur scheme too but anon likes ur poem specially the last part but it's not a 5
And so effortless as it floats into the mind. Simply wonderful through and through. S.O.
I left a comment on this poem earlier today! I wonder if I forgot to hit the preview button? Curious. At any rate, impressive poem! This part is classic:
......spun crystal stars
and looking up I saw the sky
that lowered blankets to the bed.
Well done young lady!
Some great stuff in this one Annie but it leads up to something and never get there. I was a little disappointed at the end because I was hanging through this wonderful thing and there was no prize at the end. I am still hanging. Did he die or just dump you? Why so much anguish after so long? Why did this become a poem now?
smooth as it moves along, and lends continuity of sound which ties it together. they're cleverly used, enough to have people looking for them ;)
a difficult topic to broach honestly, without falling into the maudlin... i've seen so many books hitting the shelves this past few years dealing with others' personal experiences that it becomes almost 'oh no, not another one...' That's a dreadful way to react, but it's the fault of the publishers greedy to sell misery for a profit and no reflection on the children who suffered these atrocities. what i am trying to say is that you have managed to sidestep pitfalls that would make reading this uncomfortable or wince-inducing.
this last verse, though, i found perplexing - the first 2 lines i was trying to understand what i was reading, its meaning, but the rest was so well executed as to jump off the page at me.
Droplets from the river's race
no longer brown, spun crystal stars
and looking up I saw the sky
that lowered blankets to the bed.
I didn't cry, there was no need,
the world was weeping in my stead.