- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Let me trim your shadow
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Click hereMy tires swerve to avoid your blind spots, mirrors
tilted I tap two smokes up the yellow line.
"Can you count my fingers, baby? How about if
I hold them here?" The mission? Simple. This
is no return of the queen. This is a minor
glitch in your aqueous humor. No surgical precision,
no sweatneck apologies, no flowerbox reunions. Just this:
A jump between headlights. Did you miss
my shadow? Just this: A proud movie extra beams
onto the scene. She disappears through a steam-cloud
while the one-armed heroine takes the last train home.
Darling, don't you miss those spaces in between?
- COMMENTS
PoetGuyover 13 years agoand that is always a good thing. There are a lot of images here. All, all good. But Poet Guy is damned if he can figure our what this poem is about, in some kind of normal sense.
He gives it a 4 for inventiveness of language. He might give it a 5 if SeattleRain could 'splain what the hell the poem's about.
He sure hopes that is helpful, in some cracked way.
He means, it's just a comment, after all. Comment.
Ah, hell.
UnderYourSpellover 13 years agoWell you certainly came back with a fireworks of a poem, absolutely well done my friend
Liarover 13 years agoIt's - as always - a well balanced poem, and you mix allusions, references and imagery without overloading and driving it into the nearest pretentous ditch. In fact it's light as air to read. That takes a skilled pen.
Something right here
No surgical precision,
no sweatneck apologies, no flowerbox reunions. Just this:
A jump between headlights.
grabs my attention. More than the rest for some reason.
Really glad you're here to battle it out with us. Makes scaning the new poems list yet more fun.
GuiltyPleasureover 13 years ago.....except my vote of 5 gold ones and to say it's wonderful to be able to read your new poems once more, oh, and to say I loved this in the way that makes me strive to write like you.
Tess
buttersover 13 years agothere's not a thing i dislike here, from the trimming down of the number of lines as the write progresses, to the imagery you cram into this - and the ambiguities. i cannot offer a single thing to help improve this, sorry. loved it exactly as it stands.
Angelineover 13 years agoLove the structure, the line breaks, that great end line, the voice that is familiar and sort of colloquial but so poetic. And something in the voice is reminiscent of the way sp wrote which, to me, is a very very good thing. Wonderful to read you poetry here again. You just keep getting better.
twelveooneover 13 years agoDid you miss my shadow?
Does that mean spring comes early? Looks like you've been taking MFA lessons. The phrases break nicely into the next stanza, which regrettably is the current practice. I like the 5-4-3 progression though, and point out that if you wanted you could have moved queen over and given virtual end rhyme to the stanza's. OF course that would have been another MFA no-no, as this looks Free verse, or is that blank with subs?
But yes, I missed very much.
100 BTW since they did away with the bulbs.
