All Comments on 'Losing All Control'

Good first effort, so I'm giving it a five.

if so, well done. you have a couple of more interesting phrases like 'caught in a lover's knot' and 'I need you close/You need me closer', but for the most part this reads fairly standard a-b description. it's not that what you write is bad, but it lacks a poetic touch. that is something that you will gain with practice and experience should you wish to persevere. i think you should. you tell us clearly enough what's happening, there's no ambiguity, but there's also nothing new/different/rich enough about the how you're saying this to keep my attention. it's that age old case of 'ok, this is what you want to say, now you have to work out how you want to say it'.

good luck and please do carry on!

The first thing I wold say is, keep writing, You will get better with each poem. Next, avoid personal assessments like "perfect" as in perfect lips. also, well-practiced arms is an odd phrase, practiced in what respect? Most of the rest is cliche. Examples listed below. try to be original, think outside the so-called box.

*fingertips running down my hips

*lips exploring my skin

*close enough

hard enough

fast enough

This reads more like part of a story than a poem.

I have no trouble believing it is your first, any experienced poet would recognize this as a submission from a beginner, but that isn't a bad thing. Everyone has to start somewhere. It is just better to hear the truth than to be pumped up by someone who is a marginal poet him/her self.