All Comments on 'Mode Of Existence: Twilight'

here of how not to phrase a sentence, its just my opinion of course, but...

"tall chimneys do I see" and several other similar phrases just makes this poem weak , while filled with clever images, it just doesnt **do it** for me,unlike some of your earlier postings which did

maybe try rephrasing, changing some words, it just sounds so mechanical, now if thats what you were going for, its a 10---

I don't know... I love your descriptive word choices, but I'm not crazy about the ordering of your words. Two suggestions: remove unecessary words (as these don't add much to a poem-- they're just filler) and make your phrases less awkward (I had to concentrate awfully hard to get past your phrasing). Over all, I see potential with this poem. Consider doing a re-write and see what happens.

You do order your words unconventionally at times, but I think that's what makes you different, and also recognizeable.

As to you not telling . . . you told. Forget all that you have been taught and live by what you know and believe. Whole truth.