All Comments on 'nature'

by Tzara

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  • 8 Comments
LeBrozLeBrozover 18 years ago
~~

Enjoyed this one,

Sure hope it's a coed shower;

I wonder, is "must i stalk"

A statement or a question?

AnonymousAnonymousover 18 years ago
made me

feel like I was in the Serengeti. I agree with Lebroz, the last line did seem a tad ambigious.I read it as a statement but then it could be interpreted as a question.

AnonymousAnonymousover 18 years ago
I like

Nice work. I enjoyed the sinister feel and the undertones of eroticism. Also, I think the last two lines read as a statement to give the reader something to think about. No ambiguity to me.

My Erotic TrailMy Erotic Trailover 18 years ago
mentioned

in the new poems review thread...

AnonymousAnonymousover 18 years ago
*

accustomed to the nature of the beast..nature stalks...feels like a cat crouching..lovely images...blue

AnonymousAnonymousover 18 years ago
~

excellent use of metaphor, the combination of the images deepens the sensory experience-as

WickedEveWickedEveover 18 years ago
~

I love minimalist poetry. This is quite good. I also try to eliminate as many unneeded words as possible, but I've learned that taking out too many "the" and "a", for example, can leave the poem sounding slightly unnatural. At first, I was wondering if "fresh from shower" and "fork of limb" needed more. Anyway, I made a few suggestions that may not really improve the piece, but it's pretty much what I would consider while working on one of my own poems.

add()

delete[]

fresh from (a) shower

you bend [over]

a willow seeking out [the] sun

with a graceful arc of trunk

long hair hung low

like netted branches dipped to water’s flow

and there, in (the) fork of (your) limb,

that dark bit, that damp moss

such beauty should be contemplative

but i am also nature

i am animal

and must i stalk

Bill DadaBill Dadaover 18 years ago
~

The lack of some of the "a," "the" and "your" seem to go with someone who "is animal" and wants to resist his nature to stalk?

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