All Comments on 'Need'

Welcome to Lit - at least for your first submission!

Like your technique here;

drives home the feeling of need;

hope we don't have to wait as long for your next as we did for this !

Like too much like here.

take away 4 like a's and you will greatly improve this poem. First two lines have a unique feel, add a few more original similies to replace waiting for the bus and the watch pot not boiling and you will also find your poem more enjoyable.

maybe you already did make these changes but had already submitted the poem, maybe you like it best as is.

annaswirls

i feel

this need

bleeding out

and down

drowning

any thought out

that isn't him.

werd, LL.

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