All Comments on 'One Sentence'

Interesting use of near-rhyme, but overly explanatory. You show promise as a poet.

Fly

I enjoyed the imagery here. I did trip a lil.

Think maybe could be trimmed from the useless

words. After all that is poetry. Showing ... no

telling. I do like the feel. Just a nice lil

cocoon forming ... draws ya in.

More pleasse ~

I see what RhymeFairy's saying;

economy of words would do wonders,

and deliver your message of pain

with the force of a sledgehammer.

Can also sense this underlying pain in your other two submissions, "Rescue Me" and "Prevalence"