by SZonder
i like the way u used something so simply and built a beautiful piece around it. Unlike some pieces i've read your's makes sense and isn't lude, further more u didn't use crude/obscene language to draw the reader in... Loved it!
Pleasantly erotic ~ this rendering seems to invite the reader along to drift on a sea of sexual bliss.
This was a wonderful poem - I loved the simplicity of your language - the image you created of the sweat traveling across your lover's body was, in my mind, stunning, and recalled for me experiences of my own. I also liked the ending when you add the sexual to the sensual
i loved the imagery, but the stiff rhyme and meter lead to reading it in a sort of singsong manner, which i find distracting from being immersed in the scene. still, better than most i have read on this site.