by LonelyLord
Wow~~!! Such feeling..imagery..depth..So much to feel in one lill poem, yet it's alll there *in your face*~~
Just loved this one. So many times we have all been there..That exact spot in time, and you told the feelings so well...More Plaese~~!!
Wow! There is so much going on here. I loved the way you ended this. Very moving piece, this is.
The only suggestion I have for you is to try to keep to the same syllable count in each line for these types of poems.
Other than that, you did great. I was really drawn in and understood all TOO well!
You have captured what many of us feel in our lives. The key is finding a way out of the darkness and into the light. The loneliness and despair you speak about is felt by the reader. A very moving poem. One critique is at some points the flow of the poem is interrupted by the staggering rythym.