All Comments on 'Raw'

aching and gushing can often be too vague to give maximum impact without accompanying metaphor or imagery. Also try present tense verbs which carry the weight of the moment better. Keep workin on it...thanks.

Tungtied's comments are apt, though it is an ongoingly past set of sensations you're describing. I find the economy of language refreshing and evocative of the agonizing frustration you capture so well. Nice work!

I have to disagree with Tung. (no offense) This is a solid syllable count here and the flow was purrfect!! Like I said before, Du Lac, in this type of poetry, these words are needed. If you need a link to these types, I will be glad to provide it for you. Great job!

Very hot!!

Also, I forgot to tell you when we were going back and forth with suggestions in the forum....

that usually 4, 5, 4, 5 count are rarely seen but it still is a solid count. You could even go more. Say 7, 5, 7, 5 for each stanza OR 5, 7, 5, 7. Adding a little more to make it sound a little deeper with more details.

Again, it was a goodie :)

I can live with the license, for I felt the pulse of this poem. ~Imp

Your poem is mentioned on the new poems review thread on the poetry board.

*No thermometer rating

nice play with words...I was left raw after reading it...grin...nice poem!

Very err insightful imagery (lol). The flow was solid. Very good one here..More Please~