All Comments on 'She'

but very noving. It's hard to write well on such a difficult subject, but you've found a way. Recommended in the New Poems thread in the Poetry Feedback and Discussion forum.

~Angeline

but very moving. It's hard to write well on such a difficult subject, but you've found a way. Recommended in the New Poems thread in the Poetry Feedback and Discussion forum.

~Angeline

with the sing song tempo. That is how we preserver isn't it? Marching along and keeping the tempo. I do have one suggestion that might make it a little quicker. In this line:

<i>She knew the boy wished he was dead</i>

If you change he was to him it flows a little quicker.... unless the brother wasn't wishing the father dead but himself dead instead. Well you might think about changing it to him or himself depending on which him he wished dead.

amazing. very moving. my body and heart responded to this. the hair on the back of my neck stood up. very well done.