All Comments on 'She'

but much to long and cut the shit, I mean the "she", there is no need.

"Maybe love isn’t futile after all" is a nice line and a good title, cut what ever is not up to that poetic level and make a 10-14 line poem that can be read from beginning to end.

"Consumes my cancer

Absolving the aching ugliness

Fills my emptiness

Touches places inside me

I didn’t know could feel" these lines are terrible

"I pin her to the wall by the throat

Naked and vulnerable, tits quivering

And fuck her into oblivion" but these lines are nicely done, you might add "like a butterfly"

I think you can lose the line "piece by piece", it's extraneous, and is a 6th line when most of your stanzas are 5. I also think you could use indentation to help the reader see what is directly tied to the "she" and what isn't.

(Literotica ignores plain indents, so I've used dashes)

The indentation might also help you organise it. IE instead of "shackling" the beast, maybe "shackles" the beast. Then it goes better with She.

I like the use of She, except the very last one.

Here is my edit.

(Qualifier: I'm definitely no poetry expert, this is just what feels better instinctively to me.)

She

The sunrise

..... I, stalled at midnight

.....I found my oasis

..........In the desert of my sojourn

She

A feather in a hurricane

An overlooked priceless treasure

A discouraged road traveler

.....Seeking her guide and companion

She

Holds me as I fall apart

.....Broken, defective, destroyed

Quietly hands remnants back to me

Nourishing helper, lovingly rebuilding

.....What was callously discarded

She

Consumes my cancer

.....Absolving the aching ugliness

Fills my emptiness

Touches places inside me

.....I didn’t know could feel

She

Masters my inner beast

.....Calming the storm

.....Shackling the monster

.....Staving off the demons

Centers my soul

Yet she

Silently encourages me with just a look

.....Intentionally unleashing the beast inside, I give in

Opens and surrenders to me

.....Begging me without a word

Pinned to the wall by the throat

Naked and vulnerable, tits quivering

.....I fuck her into oblivion

She

Bandages my heart with her body

Brings me to tears for all the right reasons

Injects light into my dark

.....Hearing words in love songs I never noticed were there

Restores my hope

Maybe love isn’t futile after all