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Click hereDedicated: to all the great authors and poets in Literotica. Especially in the “Loving wives” story section. I have read, enjoyed and many times criticized you mercilessly. I still try to learn from you.
She said she was not too proud
To be
With me that is
Any more
Not that line
I hoped
But she did say:
It’s me
And hastened to add:
Not too cozy not quite happy
With herself when with me
Any more
There was a good reason
I managed to note
On the second I hit
Our no longer floors
And before the pain
Mercifully gained
Control over my sobering brain,
She never passed
That logic class
I labored with her
Those circles of Venn
The material implications
I knew
When last she reasoned
Like that
When the pain of her treasons
All her heart
Minus mind
Hit me twice more
So you thought
You hide when you tell but
In fact,
You tell it all when you hide.
Nothing is for free and the woman who comes close, what does she want? Ah fine words and beautiful gestures, your web falls apart when at last the truth be known! Give me vodka, more vodka!
I enjoyed this but it was work to get over the line breaks. I hope you consider working through them. They are the hardest part of writing for me :)
I too like 'You tell it all when you hide.' It is a great line. I have to agree with C.o.S. about the rhyming. In the poems of yours that I have read so far, what I really like is the matter of fact way your voice is and yet it sounds like poetry. The rhyming sounds like you are trying to sound like poetry.
BD
I think the separation/division is wrong. Can man’s power of reason answer that? I think not!
In fact,
You tell it all when you hide.
Your last two lines impacted me the most. They speak directly to those to whom your poem is dedicated. I like your reasoned imagination, KOLKLORE. Thank you!
this poem is mentioned in New Poems Reviews. (left a 5 this time because 4.5 is what I'd give it if allowed to. :-))
quite a lot even though the rhyme in places is heavy as dead weight (is that intended?) and the lines are so short as to make me feel like that weight is right on my chest, keeping me from being able to take a whole breath. I really liked the way you communicated dread.