by bordeaux
Of the nattering nabobs of negatism. (Spiro Agnew)
You read from your soul,,, your insight... These TWO things,,, only get BETTER!!! Wait til you see the NEXT 'Sunset', and the 'Sunrise' that follows. Like your stuff. Keep living life!
I was just exploring a concept. Thanks for taking the time to leave feedback. :)
You've tried to turn narrative to poetry simply by the format and it doesn't work really. You invoke the emotion well and I'm sure you could turn this into a free-form poem if you wanted to.
The form of presentation does little to improve this work,
except to make some word choices seem less questionable.
Thoughts fragmented by line breaks don't always show the strength of the poet.