All Comments on 'Six Inches'

sounds like a commercial, late night. try not couplets, also feels like straight iamb. so it sounds like a jingle.

Okay reading but felt that it could be better...its straightforward but needs a bit of sexy sizzle :) I look forward to reading more from you.

In english it is hard to take end rhyme seriously. This is a serious poem. Try moving the rhyming elements to the middle of the line. They are not as noticable but still of the sonic patterning.