All Comments on 'The Horses We Run'

but I think you may want to spend a bit more time with it. While reading I was uncomfortable with the line breaks, they seemed to break any rhythm I felt developing in the poem. The phrasing was interesting, but again weakened, I think, with the line breaks. The message was clear, with a well sustained metaphor throughout the poem.

One nit picked from this line: "far too raw too sustain. Left to their own wiles," -- I think the second "too" wants to be "to".

Again an excellent poem that, with a little work will really shine.

jim : )

A well constructed piece of pure poetry. I liked the imagery you've used here; my favourite being

'they are cannibals,

consuming paint spots

outlined in lead, chasing each other’s tails,

biting more than fleas'

this has the makings of something really good.

here are my thoughts:

no reason at all for "mates" to have its own line. it simply draws unwarranted attention to itself.

'stablemate' should be one word, in all places.

i think the line breaks in the first strophe could be improved, but they are not as poorly considered as the rest of the poem. the first strophe is strong, IMO.

the second "too" = "to"

"consuming paint spots outlined in lead" is way too much of a reach.

"Rope them to a stablemate but let them loose to run" is not a strong ending at all. it is already implied, and feels preachy. you can do far better.

your phrasing in spots is stunning, as usual. fine-tune and finalize this poem -- that is my suggestion.

Hey. Yeah, "stablemate" is the word, but unless I'm dumber than I think I am (wait--that's almost a certainty) I think I know why you split the words. The problem with it is that it causes the reader to stop, back up, and then go forward. I don't really object to this like TRM does, but it is a consideration.

I assume the single word line "mate" was a word wrap error? If not, I agree it doesn't make a lot of sense.

Nice poem, prairie girl. ;-)

I enjoyed the employment of the double use of stable. The only suggestions I would make have been made. Thank you for the poem.

Your work has great intelligence that attracts (constructive) criticism and this poem is no exception.I find myself liking a lot about what you write but am still uncertain of my own response.Still, much better to make us think.I won't make specific comments because most have already beeen covered and as noted I am a little undecided .