All Comments on 'The Wrong One'

Did you read this aloud to yourself before submitting?

I don't think you can have because you'd have heard how uncomfortable it sounds. There are so many near-rhymes and plain missed rhymes - it is possible to write a poem that sounds like speech - do you talk like this? Kudos for effort but my suggestion is that you read much more poetry than you do at present.

Tess

Great effort, but 'mear' for 'mere' and 'their' for 'they're' detracted from my enjoyment of your piece. Still, don't get discouraged, just find a good editor.

You need to edit with a dictionary close at hand.

'Oh falls the hope of one

girl so sorrowful so young.'

This line in particular needs a rewrite. The Oh sound like an attempt to sound poetic rather than real. It's a common beginners error.

Try reading this poem :http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/1954/

by Sharon Olds. It covers the same kind of themes and is handled impressively. You could do worse than model of her language.

i ran this poem through spell check before posting. i guess it missed them. :)