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All Comments on 'Untitled: Poem # 309'

by das_risiko

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LeBrozLeBrozabout 17 years ago
~~

Nice simple clean piece. Just a small suggestion for you to consider for the ending. Try changing:<P>

<Br>begging for the hardness

<Br>of my manhood

<Br>to kiss her hot sugar walls<P>

to:<P>

<Br>begging for my hardness

<Br>to kiss her hot sugar walls.

AngelineAngelineabout 17 years ago
Welcome to poetry at Literotica :)

You poem has been recommended in the "New Poems" thread at the Poetry Feedback and Discussion forum. Thanks for the read!

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