All Comments on 'You've tried to squeeze yourself'

I liked the musicality of your language here, seen with lines such as 'in the light, pitter patter of rain' and

'as a piece of concrete chinks across faded sidewalk'

the alliteration of 'concrete chinks' makes the word skip as you read it and the image of a 'faded sidewalk' is a subtle but powerful image that can be interpreted on many levels. Good.

What I didn't like about the poem was the dullness of some of the other language you've used esp with the narrator in the poem.

'It must've stung to know your perfection and your invincibility was as real as her love.'

This line, in particular, lacked the impact of lines above. It made the poem tepid.

Good work, there is a great poem at the core of this.

I feel it

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