All Comments on '23 & WTF Pt. 03'

The concept of the main story is, well intriguing. I found myself wanting to know what rion and cat decided, but thinking about it, now i want to see what the whole family thinks especially the father who was the donor. What if lucy does let rion be the donor eventually, i mean these are all good follow ons. Keep it coming pkease

Fantastic, loved it all the way. Keep writing please

I’ve only just begun reading part 3 - I dropped everything else I was doing and called out sick once I saw you had posted it (hey, the boss can do that). Here’re my initial observations. You need an editor. You have missing and misplaced punctuation. You use the wrong word at least once (excepted for accepted). You said this was third person but you’re still writing first person point of view (I’m still on page 1).

The flow is good. The dialogue believable. And the story interesting. I can’t wait to continue reading so that’s all I’m commenting on for now. Acce - er, except 😊 for those minor errors, you’re off to a good start on part 3.

Here’s hoping the rest is as good.

The Professor

Yeah, Lucy or David and Sarah would be a great spin off. Pick one or do both, and keep Cat and Rion in the picture. Good story. Keep it going.

The END? Oh, hell NO! I think I said this in the last part, but this series is the best I've ever read in this genre on this (or any other) site. Your ability to intertwine the emotions of the characters, complexity of plot lines, while keep it all together is simply amazing. I think this supposed "conclusion" part should have gone another page with all the antagonists and protagonists understanding that an impasse was breached and how they will "work it out" going forward. You have the Bella and Jacob story, David and Sara, and of course Lucy and her future man, The "kids" meeting dad, among others plot lines. Unfortunately, you've done such a good job creating your universe us readers don't want to end. Simply amazing effort - I vote more (and it sounds like your wife does, too...LOL) 5+*

It would be sad for this to be the end where it is. While it would take an idiot to not see that Cat and Rion will make it work, what happens with the rest of the family. I would love to see one more chapter to this tale to bring the family together (makes no difference if the rest of the family knows the background). You did a wonderful job of building this family in your story, please come to some sort of end before taking off on one of the other characters!

A truly captivating story if I could keep up with the characters from one chapter to the next, but that is my problem and not yours. Well done and thank you.

If you _do_ write a follow-up, it should involve Dad, mostly so he can be gobsmacked by the complications.

I can just see everyone together at Shapiro's or Peppy Grill.

Your exceptional writting has me hooked on your charicters.

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That was an amazing story. More emotion and a realness than alot of what on Lit. I would like a continuation of the story. Leave the main characters and expand with his dad and Bev learning about most of what everyone knows. Five stars easy!

i cannot believe this story brought me to tears! what an endearing sibling romance. anon was right you do need an editor , or at the very least a proof reader. 5stars* awesome! keep writing please!

I think it was the better ones i have read please continue even with spinoff. However i don't think you completed this completely. So maybe in a spin off a couple paragraphs to finish it out please

Very nice first story!

I loved the whole premise and set up of this story. And while I understand leaving it where it is, there is still the addressing of the burgeoning romance, and the possible effects on those who know who they are related to on all levels.

Does Daddy Donor ever get to meet his offspring with knowledge? Does Jacob learn all about himself? Do the other siblings get to learn the whole truth?

So many unanswered possibilities, that may be addressed in either a further chapter, or a spin off.

great overall story. whats next

I loved this but I think you're right - it's complete. There are lots of possible developments for the characters, but they would be better as just that - separate. That isn't to say that the characters can't reappear in each other's stories, of course; Terry Pratchett's Discworld kept the same people reappearing - and growing - for a lot of the 40 books in the series.

Awesome story!!

Demosthenes384bc said all that I could possibly think of so I'll just "second" hi comments. Excellent story, this is going in my favorites:-)

This story is one of the best I've ever read - period. Not just from the incest category, but in general. The way you craft the characters is tremendous. You make them believable and each character is unique to themselves. The dialogue is realistic and the emotional reactions are understandable to the news they experience. And, oh, the sex is hot as hell, too.

What would I change? The typos are a bit distracting. Not so much to take you out of the story, but enough to interrupt the flow of a story that flows so well. Sometimes, it feels as if there's too much dialogue. Again, the dialogue is well-written so this is a nit-pick born out of trying to find constructive criticism, but there are sections where it's just a long conversation with no break.

As for continuing the story or expanding the 23 & WTF multiverse, I am definitely a fan. Maybe more for the latter because I feel this story works so well now as a trilogy of chapters. I'd like to know more about Sara, one of the more complex characters. I have this feeling she still desires Rion and her interest in David is more as a Rion substitute. Lucy seems somehow headed down a direction to finding a brother. Wonder if there are more out there. Whatever you decide, I will be following you from here on out because I really want to see more out of you. Thanks for sharing your story.

One of the very best stories I ever came across on Literotica ! The story the most important part, underlining the very good sex scenes ! Congratulations ! ! !

What a story! A deep love strained by modern technology. There were tears, smiles, and what I love most: A happy ending. Yes, there are definate spin-off possibilities.

Spin off? How about the dad?

Having been a carpenter for over 50 years, (family biz from two directions, I never had a chance,,, lol), you probably build stories in your head the same way we build things mentally before we ever cut a single piece of material.

Twenty some years ago, I had to drive to So Cal, from our home in Portland, to help out my nephew. I had just bought a fixer-upper outaide of Portland, and was excited about the project. I spent the 20+ hours driving to LA mentally designing, building, actually, a 1000' addition over the top of a 600' shop.

When I got back home a couple weeks later, I sat down and drew up the plans.

Never thought about 'composing' atories the same way, I'll have to give it a try when it gets to being 'carpentry' weather this Spring.

Thanks for a delightful human drama, and the inspiration for multi-tasking.

Re: your characters displaying the 'human condition'

You have a knack for telling about and relating the human condition; the caution I'd suggest is be careful of letting your characters get too deep into self-deprecation, and getting into a rut.

I see it in new writers, frequently, they allow their characters to wallow in pathos a bit too long, and it becomes boring. The human spirit wants to rebound; it's amazing what an emotionally draining bout of crying to exhaustion, 'raging at the Gods', until fatigue wins out, or a soul searing fuck can do to reverse a downward spiraling situation between two emotionally entwined (sp?) humans.

Let your characters beat themselves up, feel sorry for themselves, and suffer emotionally but, always turn them around quickly, with a fiery rise from the depths. It's what we do, as humans, millions of times a day, and what makes life such a delight.

Thanks for sharing your story. Whatcha got now, huh? LOL

GeoD

GeoD

Thanks for the comments and yes you’re right about my process. After reading your response I have no doubt about your ability to write and look forward to reading your stories someday.

Great story, well written and engaging. I'd love a followup but either way a very enjoyable read.

Excellent story that absolutely enjoyed reading. I had a very hard time putting it down to go to bed. Please either continue this saga or try a spin off. Either way I will be keeping an eye out for more work from you. Thank you so much for sharing!

very well put together. in all the time been on this site reading think this is one of the best that I have read. can not wait to see what you write next

Very enjoyable story, thank you for sharing it with us.

I enjoyed reading everything, right up to the near end. This ending feels too rushed to me. I'm not buying that Catherine stopped flinching like snapping her fingers or flipping on the lights. There's something missing that you should have elaborated on to flesh it out. I still gave you 5 stars.

Editing was good, but a few mistakes still slipped through the cracks. Accept/Except error. I think that there was a their/they're error too. But overall, nice job.

Such drama, seemed quite drawn out. They had no control or knowledge of they were twins. After this may years together without issue and 2 healthy kids it in my opinion a non issue. This is best kept a secret and they need to move on with life as husband and wife with their 2 children. The ending was real good as it was headed for a happily ever after. Well done 5++stars

I really like this one, but I could've done without the whole Sara and Jacob characters. I would give this story 5 stars but because of Sara and Jacob I'll just rate it a 3.

Man for a novice you did one hell of a job, great story I enjoyed it very much.

5 Stars.

Room for spin-offs... Hell Yes!!!

All the characters that were truly apart of this, Buddy and Bev, Jacob and Belle, David and Sara, Lucy... Maybe even Adam and Patty (not necessarily together) and there are the possible 2 remaining 'unknown' sibs?!?

In doing any number of these possible spin-offs you can keep Rion and Cat alive and let their story continue without damaging their trilogy. There is even the possibility that Rion could be Jacobs Bio-dad. 2% recessive genes could present themselves. Stranger things have happened. As for the Editor comments. I disagree. Your wife did a fantastic job, What you need is an un-biased 3rd party beta-reader. Sometimes when you're invested with the writing process as I'm sure your wife is. She knows what you mean to say, so missed words or their Homonym ( accept/except as often used) is easy to over look. An un-biased beta-reader would catch those things she misses.

My advise as a new author myself. Write your stories, let the lil' women (LOL) do her thing and then find a willing beta reader to look it over. You are already great at everything else that makes a great author here, adding a beta-reader will cut out most if not all the petty nit-pics that's I read in the comments.

Thanks for Sharing and I'm adding you to my list I hope to read more from you.

Man, hell yes you need to keep writing more. This is a very unique twist on brother/sister incest stories. Almost exactly opposite attitudes towards incest from the characters. It isn't a fetish for Cat or Rion.

I'd love to see more of these characters, spinoffs from Cat and Rion's universe.

Keep them coming and by all means spin-offs

This series is one of my favourites. It's written so well and I couldn't help but get emotionally engaged with Rion's story. Thanks for writing it.

Really well written and realistic.

23 and me has surprised a lot of families and not always in a good way. I wondee if this has happened in real life?

Enjoyed the storyline as convoluted it became, this story was well written and definitely had a lot of drama. In the end I was glad that Rion and Cat made peace with the fact, yes they were siblings by DNA, but in reality they were husband and wife and had become soulmates over their 5 year marriage. Next thing are they going to have more children continue Rion and Cats story? All is well that ends well, 5 stars

Thank you for sharing your story. I enjoyed it very much.

Forgot how good this was. Hope you keep writing.

Jack: You are a talented writer. I throughly enjoyed this series. I will gladly read anything you wrote. I gave all three stories, 5!

Oh come on Bella,Cat,Lucy(Rions donations),and mouse all pregnant at the same time. Of course Cat's is a total surprise.

wow that was one hell of a story loved it from beginning to the end great job with this one

really enjoyed it.

The story was perfect, but one I thing I find hilarious/ is the MC getting cheated on by his best friend/wife, then she becomes his stepsister but he's okay with it, if Sara hadn't cheated on him with a black person, he definitely would've raised the kid as his own and no way he would've figured it out that the kid wasn't his, and to top it off his stepdaughter/niece is dating the child of Sara and the person who she cheated on him with, will Bella get revenge for her dad by cucking Jacob with Asian dude? They were also close as children same as rion and Sara would make the perfect sequel, it would be hilarious as well

It's been a while, and there are no spin-off's still, but I would put a suggestion/request, I know you have been pushing the Sara x David thing, but man Lucy and David getting together will be so much fun, she already thinks David and rion are her ideal type of men, this would lead to so much fun and drama, would love to see this happen omds

All three very good, great ending

Why have you stopped writing. You are very talented. You have to continue. Your readers demand it. Please. Ok a few wrong words but that's not bad. Accept not except. Who cares. Great story.

Could of had a conclusion. With David and Lucy meeting Buddy.

I laughed and I cryed all through this, what a great tale. loved it. Pity is that this site wont allow me to give more than 5 stars.

Grat story well told and well developed. Keep writing.

Whew! You can't know how glad I am that you were finally able to pull all the disparaging parts together for a heartfelt conclusion. Now, need a final segment to see how all the other players can hook up. Keep writing. We (I) need need more of the same . . . .

This was of the best incest stories I have ever read 9n this site. 5 stars ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ easy. Please keep this series going. As an idea, if you could write about the kids finding out that that Rian is actually the biological father of Jacob. The revelation of RI being his father while and trying to navigate through young love could be a fascinating story. And for those who think in not possible, it is genetically possible for w while man to produce a black child. It's rare, but it does happen.