3 Crushes and a Wedding Ch. 04

She was in my room, we'd talked for a couple of hours, and we were starting to forge a stronger, more mature bond than we'd ever had. I couldn't let her go; a similar opportunity may never present itself.

"We have to be up early tomorrow." Another evasion.

"I don't care. You're not leaving now."

"It's way past 3AM already." And another.

"I still don't care." I had no idea where that assertive tone came from, but I was riding it out. So I went for broke, "Look, I know we can often understand each other without using words," her eyes twitched, finally giving me a sign of life, "but maybe it's time we actually talked. I like you, always have. Do you like me?"

I tried not to use the word 'love' again for fear of pushing her further away. 'Like' seemed simpler, less riddled with expectations and baggage. My heart sped up even more, my hands got sweatier, and a shiver ran down my spine. It was getting cold and breezy. Or maybe I was feeling chilly because my whole life hung in the balance, waiting for that one word to come out of her lips. Everything I'd believed about our past and present, everything I'd dreamt of for our future, all of it just waiting for a single word to confirm or deny it.

She stared silently. The walls of her faked indifference were crumbling down around her and she now seemed more scared than distant. After a few seconds, she opened her mouth, hesitated, then closed it again.

I pushed through. "It's not an open-ended, complicated question, Megan. Yes or no. Do you like me?"

Maybe it wasn't complicated, but it was the most important question I'd ever asked. A fleeting memory of my confession to Scarlett a decade ago, and the rejection and humiliation that ensued, flashed in my mind, but I squashed it away. This was nothing like that moment. I was now older, smarter, more confident, and I wasn't jumping in blindfolded and inexperienced. And she was nothing like Scarlett. She was Megan, sweet and funny and wise and considerate Megan, and she wouldn't ever hurt anyone like that.

Her eyes looked more alive as she slowly clawed her way back to me. She mumbled, "Can I answer, but without follow-ups?" I didn't understand. She repeated, "I want to answer you, truthfully, but can you not push further?... For now?"

My brain went into overdrive, trying to comprehend. Did she not like me and was this her way of escaping further explanations and awkwardness between us? Or did she like me, and if so, why would she want us to abandon the topic right away? This was getting even more confusing than the silence we'd been plodding in. I needed a clear answer. I clenched my jaw, held my heart, and nodded.

Her eyes lit up a little. "Yes."

My brows furrowed of their own volition. I was trying to retrace the conversation to understand if her 'yes' meant what I really thought it did.

Her lips turned into a weak smile. She repeated, "Yes, I like you."

Finally.

Words had been used, even if nothing more had been said. The truth had been spoken aloud, the genie was out of the bottle and there was no putting him back in. Sure, this wasn't how I'd envisioned our confessions to go. I had imagined passionate monologues and heartfelt tears, not shy nods or restrained emotions. But I'd take any bit of certainty over the doubts that were starting to eat away at me.

She liked me; that's all that mattered. She liked me! She said it out loud. My heart did a cautious victory lap in my chest, but I tried to remain calm and composed. I still didn't understand her reservations or why she wanted the discussion to end there.

My first attempt to talk was instantly silenced by her scowl. I closed my mouth and gulped. I'd promised her.

"I need to go now."

We were still standing outside, her with the bottle of wine and chocolate wrappers in one hand, me holding her other hand. She looked down at our bond, expecting me to let go.

Not yet.

My boldness had significantly tempered down, but there was still enough left for me to push through one more time.

"Can I hug you before you leave?" A weak smile pinched my lips. "I would like more than that, I won't lie, but it can wait." Her face softened a little. "The hug can't. There's nothing I want more, now, than to hold you. Just that. Please."

She slowly and shyly nodded her head once more. I sighed. Baby steps. I still had no idea what had happened or why her attitude had changed so quickly and so drastically, but those answers had to wait.

I gently took the bottle of wine and chocolate wrappers from her hand and placed them back on the table. I loosened my grip on her other hand and took a step toward her.

"Hey," I whispered. She looked back at me, a puppy-eyes expression gracing her face; I could just eat her. Patience. "I found you, twice, that's why I believe in miracles." The thought that had been running around in my head for more than a day was finally out. At least that was a better admission of love than my previous attempts.

I smiled, weakly, and waited for her answer. She paused a second then mirrored me. I took another small step toward her and raised my hands to take her in my arms.

I had fantasized about our coming together, thinking it'd be more passionate, more carnal and sensual, more explosive. This whole evening was anything but. And yet, it didn't bother me one bit. This felt truer than a 'let me strip you and take you right here' scene, more organic to us. Whatever rhythm the situation dictated, we'd adapt, and for now, it was slow and friendly. The frenetic seduction and tumbling on top of each other would come later.

The first few seconds of our hug were slightly distant and awkward. Slowly, though, she relaxed and adjusted herself, pushing more into me, letting our bodies find their natural fit together. Then she rested her head on my shoulder and really wrapped her arms around me, pulling me in tighter. We were in this together.

The moment stretched, and the longer we stood there, the more at peace I felt. I had nowhere else to be, nothing else to do, no one else to think about. I belonged there, to that instant in time and in her arms. I'd found my home and it was perfect. I loosened up further and gave more of myself to our hug, to her. If this would last forever, I wouldn't mind.

"Thank you." The words barely snuck between her mouth and my shoulder. I thought I'd misheard them, but she pushed her head up a little and repeated, "Thank you."

She glanced at me then dropped her eyes and nuzzled my shoulder again, sighing into me. Her warm breath snuck through my shirt and tickled my skin. I suspected my own breath was having the same effect on her.

A minute or so later, she lifted her head again and gave me a quick peck on the cheek then started disentangling our bodies. I held on too tight, not wanting to let her go, but a stern look from her made me release my grip.

"I'll... I'll go now."

She didn't seem sure anymore. It would take no effort to convince her to stay. I mentally shook myself and tried to persuade my heart that the heat her lips had left on my cheek was enough to warm me at night.

"Alright." My voice sounded surer than I was.

She walked back inside then toward the room's door, and grabbed the handle. I followed her and paused right next to her, my hand itching to slam on the door to keep it shut and her inside, with me.

She turned toward me and smiled. Her dimples had been shyly hiding for a while. I could see the hint of one on her left cheek, but it wasn't enough. I wanted them back. I wanted the smile that spread up from her lips into her eyes and lit up her entire face, the smile that made my world spin and my heart stop.

"See you tomorrow?" Another small glimmer of hope.

I nodded. "See you tomorrow."

And with that, she opened the door and walked out quickly. I stood by the doorframe, replaying the cliché romantic comedy scene where one person runs after the other, grabs them, spins them, and kisses them passionately while emotional music plays in the background. This ain't it, chief.

As her silhouette turned the corner toward the elevator, I closed the door and leaned against it. So much to process, and probably over-process, but I was depleted.

Ten minutes later, I found myself in bed. Happy, sad, a little confused, relieved, I was feeling it all and I had no idea where to begin disentangling all those emotions.

My phone beeped. Probably some spam, I thought, but I grabbed it nonetheless. The message was from Meg. I instantly unlocked the phone, heart racing again.

Megan: I'm sorry I ran away.

I breathed out. She was aware of the awkwardness she'd left between us. Good sign.

Me: It's Ok.

Megan: No, it's not. We both know it's not. I'm still processing some things, so I'm asking for a bit of time. We'll talk tomorrow?

I glanced at the clock on top of my screen.

Me: You mean in a couple of hours? (And sure, take your time.)

She had to do whatever was needed to get through her apprehensions and come back to me.

Megan: Thanks. Oof, it's nearly 4am. Tomorrow's wake-up call will be cruel. I set it up for 8:30am.

Me: I went for 9am. I need those 30 more minutes of beauty sleep.

Megan: Can't say you do ;)

Oh... I grinned so wide I nearly split my lips.

Me: Are you openly flirting with me now?

Megan: Yes. Get used to it ;) Can I ask you something, before we say goodnight?

Me: Sure.

Megan: What is it with the other three women that keep orbiting you here?

Ouch. Maybe one day I'd tell her the full story, but this wasn't the time nor place to do so. I decided to cut to the chase instead, but before I could reach my conclusion, she'd sent another message.

Megan: I don't want to overstep, but I'd like to know what's up, before...

Before she let herself go? Before she gave us a chance? Was this part of her apprehensions and why she cut our in-person discussion short? Or was there more to it?

Me: You have every right to ask "before..." ;) Kay is my best friend, nothing more than that. The other two are crushes from my past that I stumbled into here.

Megan: I'm a crush from your past that you stumbled into here.

Accurate. Until a few hours earlier, I may have convinced myself that she was in the same league as Valentina and Scarlett. I now knew better, but how do I explain it all to her? How could I tell her that everything about us was so different from the others without exposing or detailing the few colorful dabbles it took me to get to that realization?

Me: The difference is I'd very much like you to be part of my present... and future.

Megan: Ok.

Me: Ok...?

Ok what? Was she okay being part of my present and future?

Megan: To the explanation... for now.

So many 'for now's hanging around us, waiting for a more certain future. I wanted to move forward and think about later, much later. Her resolution to stick to the present was terrifying me. It wasn't in my nature to fully enjoy a moment if I didn't know there'd be some continuity to it later. Otherwise, why waste my time? Then I reminded myself that any moment I got with Megan should be considered a gift, one that only a couple of days ago I hadn't ever expected to get again.

Me: Good night, Meg.

Megan: Good night, Zoe.

I put my phone back on the bedside table and sighed.

3:59AM. I had been up for nearly 24 hours. My morning run and my sauna and jacuzzi encounters with Scarlett seemed like they'd happened an eternity ago. All the other events of the day played through my mind, from the breakfast to the boat trip with everyone, the pool bar, piano, deck, bar again, changing room... It felt like I'd lived a whole life in that one day. I made mistakes, I got closures, I reached personal epiphanies, all in an accelerated, frenetic way.

And then there was the lengthy chat with Megan here, a few feet away from where I now lay. A chat when everything slowed down, everyone else disappeared, and I was finally able to breathe and calm my inner turmoil.

She liked me too. She liked me too! What were the odds? That I'd see her here, that we'd get to talk, and that she'd still harbor feelings for me? I smiled again and started drifting to sleep, remembering our hug, that perfect moment in time where I let myself belong to her entirely and where she finally let herself belong to me.