by 40DayDream
He needs to ut a son or daughter in his wife's belly, whether they are official or not. She is his wife, and Ryan is THEIR son, and she's proud to be a wife and mom. If you don't think she's a mother, try hurting her baby... or husband!
You’ve done something I’ve never been able to accomplish. A short story with great character development. It always takes me way too long. A very enjoyable read. Now that I've found you, I’ll be trolling through your work. Thanks for sharing. I am on the other side, never met a comma I didn’t like. If you figure them out let me know.
JJ1
Just read your story again and still find it very refreshing and humorous. Can't give it another five, but would if I could.
Then I happened to read the comment I posted back in January. Dam if I didn't find an error while reading it, the 'stile' should have been just like the first 'style'. Now you see why I haven't written any stories and posted them, stupid spell-check.
Found your style of writing very refreshing and humorous. If a tat is done with stile and by a professional they can be very interesting and pleasing. I got my first one at the age of 75 and don't regret it at all. Most tats have a special meaning to the person and I guess Annie had her reason.
I thought that Jay might have been going out that night to get some condoms, never thought about him getting a ring. Where do you get a ring that late at night, maybe CVS or Walgreens?
Anyway, I'm going to check out the rest of your stories. Thanks
Worth more stars then there are in the sky. I love this story completely.
Like to see more of this story. Loved the Suicide Girls reference, it’s always nice to see sites I like portrayed in a positive light.
Both comments were spot on. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
I am going through each of your stories and I haven't found one that I haven't liked a lot. I just hope you will resurface and continue to write
Well written short story. I do NOT like tattoos, but I did like this girl which is the important thing in a relationship. The details are lacking people, but it's a SHORT STORY!
I was convinced that you were the single guy that you portrayed.
Your sidebar comments added to that nicely.
I questioned your decision to leave that night.. to do that one thing... was afraid you were going to screw it up!
The ring was a pleasant surprise. I would read it again!
I really enjoyed the self-deprecating humor. Nice romance of people needing each other and coming through rather than letting the other down.
On a side note, it's so weird to have someone mark a story down because they don't like tattoos. Weird. I don't like tats, but what does that have to do with the story or the writing? Should I mark a story down because I don't like the color of the walls in a room you describe? People are very, very weird.
I like your writing style, your characters while somewhat one dimensional are generally good but could definitatly do with more depth though I appreciate that you warned us of that befo're the story.
My biggest problem with your stories this one included as are a few of your others is that they all feel unfinished, they all read like a very promising first one or two chapters then stop.
I think this is why it seems like you struggle to develop your characters, you just don't give them the time, attention and length of story to develop in to the rounded characters they show promise of becoming.
I really liked the humor as well as the construction of the story. I am not a big fan of tatoos but that doesn't impact the quality of the story telling... it actually added to it when she discloses the tatoo at the end.
I think that the tatoo would end up being erased due to it being a permenant reminder of her abuse but the story was very enjoyable regardless. It could be longer and a pregnant with another additon epilogue would give it a happy ever after but nice regardless.
Thoroughly enjoyed it. Would have enjoyed a ending that was more expansive, but thoroughly enjoyable as is!
A very wonderful story full of passion narrated very nicely. Though says making a fresh attempt to renew at writing, it is really very good and very passionate and would like to read more of such stories.
I'll be looking for your handle and hoping for more stories soon. You have a lovely writing style...I want to wring Jay's neck and pat him on the back!
I don't usually delve into the romance section here but I am certaainly glad I did today. Loved your story. I truly look forward to seeing what you post next. 5/5
When I read your first story, I was disappointed there weren't more. Now there are more and I look forward to reading them.
i LOVE YOUR WRITING STYLE. SWEET STORY, LOVE HUMOR IN WHAT I READ. KEEP WRITING!
The other anonymous above is an idiot, this is an interesting and good story. I would like it to be bit longer with more development in their changing attitudes to each other, but it is a very good start. Keep it up.
Well written interesting little tale. Looking forward to see what you try with something a little longer and deeper.
5/5 nuff said
thx for the read
I liked your writing style and the story line was pretty good, so I stumbled through to the end. To be honest, I absolutely hate attractive women, really any women, with extensive tattoos. A woman's body is a work of art to be appreciated and covering it with ugly ink is about the worst thing I can think of. Obviously a lot of people disagree these days, but time will be the final arbiter of those decisions.
Thanks for all the kind comments! Right now I have another short-ish story submitted, this time in the Manic Pixie Dream Girl genre. I'm working on (1) a tale of redemption for a lot lizard and the man who doesn't deserve her (at least, that's where it's headed now), (2) what I'm thinking of as a bottle episode set entirely in a dorm hallway over the course of an afternoon, and (3) an experimental work using only love letters from war and flashbacks to their one night together. I have a much longer, more involved story on the way, about two damaged kids who manage to find each other. It has plot progression, character development, and petting zoos. All of the critical elements of literature. If I can find a subtext for dummies book, I might even toss in some of that.
Finally, I'm working slowly on a story about ancient Rome that I frankly consider to be beyond my modest capabilities. Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.
Your writing style really draws your readers in and the content of your story was very enjoyable. Continue writing. Great job. 5 stars.
commas are over-rated , your stories are , so far , under rated......
It was short, and descriptive to a point, and very well written. Keep up the good work.
Actually, your grammar and punctuation is better than 95% of the stuff on this site -- and that's the view of a professional editor. If you put a comma where you naturally pause while reading your story aloud, you'll rarely go wrong.
"Sloppy, barely credible, tear jerker, just what a proper love story ought to be. Liked it a lot. 4*"
Brilliant review. That comment made me laugh. Thanks!
Sloppy, barely credible, tear jerker, just what a proper love story ought to be. Liked it a lot. 4*
Pleasantly plotted with enough speed and drama. Far more successfully humorous than can be expected from an amateur writer. Humor is the hardest style to write. Well done and thanks for sharing your talent.
I really really enjoyed reading it.
Thank you for sharing it with us.
Looking forward to your future contributions.