All Comments on '4731J-3 Ch. 01'

That was quite the build up!! But then you left the reader hanging!! What happens next?

If they are going to be on the planet for at least 30 days Wesley is going to be worn out trying to please all of these women. Maybe have some Klingons or Romulans show up as well? At first hunting the Federation Members and then getting overcome by the mist and fucking them. Or have Dr. Crusher do some more analysis of the mist and then replicate it on the Enterprise once they are rescued? With two medical crew members and the ship's counselor already under the influence of the mist the potential to use it on a lot of the crew in a one on one manner is large. It could spread rapidly from there. Especially if Riker and Picard are exposed early. I see a lot of potential here.

Quite a build-up, but what next? I love Beverley/Wesley sex, and was anticipating some, but you wimped-out, and there was no action at all. It's OK as a straight-forward - if rather boring - STNG story, but not on this site, where we expect more.

Like the premise, the characters felt authentic to their known personnas, the action sequence would not disappoint a fan by fumbling with the technobabble. It did feel like it just stopped rather than came to a natural pause, and it felt as though it lacked something more substantive erotically. But a great start, keen to see what happens next.

What a good start...but please, let them find food and clean water to wash up. No muddy, starving sex please. Looks like Wesley is in for a good time!

I have trouble believing that the creator of the wildly imaginative “Sera” series - with its plethora of interesting, well developed characters - would cheapen his/herself to this genre. I’ve no doubt that you’ll do it better than most, but still - Fan Fiction???

I will confess that I wrote a LOTR fan fiction piece when I was in high school, so I’m not completely innocent of the sin of derivation. But I’m more than a little surprised that you’re here.

I just hope you’re resting your actual creative intelligence with a mindless fling here before you get back to your serious endeavors and continue the brilliant “Sera” stories. “Secret Sins” left me pining for more!

It just quit!!

While not terribly erotic & in need of a bit more editing, this was a very solid start to an extremely imaginative story. The highlights for me were:

Ensign T'vor: While a bit flat in this chapter (though that's to be expected from a half Vulcan) this original character is further developed in future chapters and becomes very important to the overall story.

Troi & Dr. Crusher: Very nice versions of their TV counterparts - Troi is annoying & whiny, & Crusher is a mediocre leader at best. More importantly though, both decided (prior to the story) that T'vor should continue following the teachings of Sybok & it was Troi who wanted T'vor to come along on this trip - we'll see how those decisions play out as the story moves along. Good stuff and four stars!

Three whole pages of no action. I'm struggling to keep my eyes open. This is not for me.