93 Days of Summer

My name is Shaina Winters. I'm 23 years old and I hate Summer. It's ironic that I hate the season I'm born into, but I do. I love Winter though. I love that no matter how cold it is, I can control how warm I am. In the Summer, it's hot as shit and there isn't much you can do about it.

I was born July 4, 1998 to African American parents, Nora and Andrew Winters. Nora was a Biology major, turned housewife. Andrew graduated college while my mom stayed home to raise my new born sister, Victoria and three years later, me. Andrew got an entry level job at Trans Corp and right before I was born, had transferred to their Bay Area branch in Oakland, California. 5 years later, he became the Assistant Director in their green energy department. By the time I was 5, my dad became the youngest and first black director of Trans Corp's Green Energy Dept.

Nora and Andrew Winters might have been the beautiful black power couple on the outside, but they were far from perfect. Andrew was a cheat and barely spent time with his family. And Nora was a stay at home mom who was more of the stay at home part than a mom. She bathed and fed us, but there were no real memories made. The only person that my mom really made an effort with is my sister.

Victoria Essence Winters was the first born and had gotten all the attention my parents were willing to give. Despite hating Summer for obvious reasons, I also hate it because every birthday since I can remember, has been crappy. Hell the ones I don't remember were crappy too. I would know because my sister spends every moment reminding me of those events.

On my first birthday, I was left unsupervised for God knows how long, before I decided that it was bath time. I ran out into the crowd of family members, naked as the day I was born with shit on my ass and an even shittier diaper in my hand. On my second birthday, I was once again left unsupervised and stuck my finger in the electrical socket and shocked myself. I was physically okay, but it took me almost the whole year to not be afraid of walking past a socket.

My third birthday was at Chuck E Cheese and it took 3 hours and no birthday girl to sing happy birthday to, for anyone to actually recognize that I wasn't there. When my parents finally rushed home, I was being taken care of by my grandmother. She had just moved in with us and they too had forgotten they were her ride to the party. When she saw me waiting by the door, she realized they had left us. She tried to call them, but no one was answering their phone. Long story short, my shitty 6 year old sister had my mother's phone and would decline anyone that called her phone. And my dad, well he was on his first mistress and was all up her ass to even pay attention to anything else.

My fourth birthday was the first birthday I can recall. I had a pool party at our house. Once again I was left unsupervised. This time, I wanted to go to the pool, but mom was taking too long to come out of her room. I remember making my way to the pool and jumping in. I remember panicking because my head wasn't coming out of the water. Suffice to say, I was rescued by my six year old neighbor, Darren. He saw me jump in and swam after me. I would go on to spend the next 2 years being afraid of large bodies of water before begging my parents for swim lessons.

My fifth birthday took the cake of any birthday for me. I had a birthday party at Kid's Castle. My grandmother made sure to have her own car this year and to make sure I was present for my own party. My parents and Vic had left before us and had been at the party for about 30 minutes when we got there. I needed to use the bathroom. When I made it to the women's bathroom, I had opened the door to my father kissing my God-mother and my mother's best friend, Kayla. They must have heard me because they jumped away looking in my direction. Before my father could stop me, I ran out the door to find my mother. When I spotted her, I ran towards her yelling her name. She was talking to the parents while organizing the pizzas that had arrived. By the time I got to her I was out of breath, but I needed to tell her what I saw. My father nor Kayla had fixed their clothes and so when they came in after me, they looked frazzled. I looked at my mother and pulled on her hand, but she was looking at my father and Kayla. Although suspicious, they would have gotten away with it, if it wasn't for the lipstick smeared on Kayla's face and Andrew's neck and lips. Andrew tried to explain, but being the vindictive backstabber Kayla was, she aired out their dirty laundry right in front of our family and friends. My mother went home heartbroken and humiliated. My parents weren't married because 'their' reasons, which were really my father's, was that they wanted to be financially stable, then it was the move, and then the latest reasoning was because of the new house. In all actuality, my father didn't want to be married. After this birthday, my mother put my father out and didn't talk to anyone and barely left the house. My bratty sister had also disowned me because 'I broke mommy and daddy up'. Although a little hurt by my family and feeling a little guilty, I still had my grandmother. She was my father's mom and was in full support of my mother's decision to put my father out. When she found me crying the next day after my disownment, she told me that their wrongs weren't mine and that I shouldn't feel guilty for it. She was my rock then and still my rock today.

After a month, my father was back in the house, my mother acted like nothing happened, and we never saw Kayla again. For the next two months, father came home after work and spent time with us and tried to woo my mother every chance he got. One night, he and my mother went out for their first date since he had been back and when they came back home, they were engaged.

8 and half months later, about a week before my birthday, they were married. They spent their honeymoon in Hawaii during my birthday week. If that wasn't enough blow to my heart, my sister who had 'forgiven' me had convinced her friend Margret Choo to have a party at her house the day of my party and invited my entire class except for me. I was having a movie night and everyone I invited had r.v.s.p.d that they were coming. But the night of the party, it was an hour in and no one showed up. Not even my best friend, Darren, who promised to be there. When I realized no one was coming to my party, I locked myself in my room and cried myself to sleep.

The next morning, I no longer cared to be bothered with anyone, but my grandmother. I spent the next 17 years as a loner. Of course the rest of elementary, middle, and high school didn't come without their typical mean girl trying to bully me. But I didn't take no shit. I had gotten suspended from school for fighting at least 5 times and one of them was due to punching and breaking my sister's nose. I was grounded for a month, but it was all worth it because Vic got to spend her graduation walking the stage with a broken nose.

Since the age of 16 and all throughout college, I was a lifeguard and swim instructor. My sister would try to tease me about my weight and 'never knowing a fat lifeguard'. However, at the threat of another broken nose, she quickly dropped that. Most days, I loved my body, but there were days that I looked at myself and found nothing attractive. At 16, I was 170 pounds and when I was done with college, I had gained about 30 pounds. I never let this stop me from playing sports. I played softball in high school and in college. I also was on the swim team in high school.

I went to college at the University of Hawaii at Manoa. I also was a lifeguard at one of the local community centers. I majored in Education with a minor in psychology. While in college, I made friends with some of the girls on the team and one of them is even my best friend. Her name is Kamalani and was born and raised in Oahu. When I first got to college, we had a team bonding week. None of the girls really wanted to talk with anyone they didn't know. So that left me and Kamalani. We hit it off instantly. We found out that we would be in some of the same classes and that our rooms would be right next to each other that year. The next year, we moved into the same dorm and the rest was history.

When COVID-19 hit, we were scared for our families. Although I had a strained relationship with most of mine, I didn't want anyone to die from this virus. I thought about staying on campus until I figured something out, but my grandmother chewed me out for that one and told me to bring my ass home before they completely shut the world down. And so, I got on a plane and made it back home just in time for the shut down. Me and my graduating class were extremely bummed about not walking the stage. It was a right of passage and a symbol that you made it. My grandmother thought about doing one of those drive-by graduations, but I couldn't rely on the people that should be there to actually be there. So me and my grandmother celebrated my success by ourselves.

During the Shelter-in-place, I redecorated my bedroom. I DIY'd a lot of shit. I pulled up my carpet for all white tile. Painted my room a deep, almost black, purple and blasted silver glitter onto the ceiling. So anytime you look at it, it looks like you're looking at the stars. I was four when we moved to this house in Oakland Hills. My parents told us to go pick a room, but Vic went outside to check on the pool. I had found the rooms and picked the bigger one facing the back of the property, but when Vic and my parents finally came up, she saw that my room was bigger and she cried and begged my parents to change our rooms. My parents, not teaching their child about fairness and the consequence of not following direction, gave her my room. My room was the smaller of the two, but it was still spacious. About a week later, I found the coolest thing about my room. I had a secret room hidden behind a wall in my closet. This room also had a hach that led to the roof. For about two years, I didn't go out the hatch,passed the last step. After my sixth birthday, was the first time I came out and fully sat on the roof. I slipped and almost busted my ass, but I learned quickly where to step and were not to step.

In the process of redecorating, I painted my closet the same color as my room, but I kept the cream carpet. I added some display lights under each level of my built-in shoe case. I changed the bulb in my central light for an LED white light bulb and added some censors. When anyone walks in, the lights would turn on. On the back wall of my closet was also the door to my secret room. I bought a shelf board and drilled it to that door and added a big body mirror with white LED lights boarding the edges. I took out the bar used for hanging clothes and cut a foot away for both edges. I reattached each end on either side of the mirror and added some heavy silver curtains, making it look like a drawback curtain to the show known as me. I left the secret room the way it was in its concrete style and added a desk and small cot bed. I also stocked it with a mini fridge full of water. On the roof, I added anti-slip material to it. There have been many times where I came up here angry at my parents or sister and forgot the system to getting up there and almost dying. Now, I don't have to worry about those things.

I kept my all white bathroom the same, except I added a tv behind my mirror. That took me almost a month to figure out and another to install it. Now my mirror is still a vanity mirror, but I can watch the news or catch up on The Flash while brushing my teeth.

In the midst of decorating my room, I have started a side business as a travel agent. I needed to make some extra type of money while we were in this pandemic. Before the pandemic hit, my plans after graduation was to travel the world a little bit before going into my profession. However, those plans were scrapped and I'm a temp teacher at Finley High School. I have been searching for more permanent teaching jobs, but no such luck. They all want me to have 5 years experience. Although I love where I was born and raised, I needed a fresh start from the pretentious hills of Oakland. In this city, too many people know too much of everyone's business and it gets worse the further up you live. Plus, the way I see it, I'm not an official member of this family and the only one who would know I'm missing is my grandmother.

And I can't leave my grandmother. She caught Covid from my father who gave it to everyone except me. I know I'm jumping to conclusions when I say this, but I'm pretty sure Andrew got Covid from Kelly across the street. I caught my father walking out of her house back to ours when I first arrived at the beginning of the shut down. He didn't see me driving up the street or even into the driveway. Long story short, two days later, Kelly is in the hospital for Covid. My parents and my sister all had mild symptoms, but my heart was admitted into the hospital. For a second, I thought my grandmother was gonna leave me in this world by myself, but she pulled through.

Chapter 2

I came downstairs for breakfast. My mother had been trying to make more of an effort to be motherly. I greeted everyone in the kitchen, "Good morning everyone." Walking to my grandmother, I kiss her forehead, "Good morning Grana."

She smiles up at me, "Good morning baby. How was your sleep."

"It was good."

As I go to sit next to her, I feel a jab to my back.

"Jack is gonna sit there."

I know this bitch didn't just hit me.

Without looking at my raggy ass sister, I sat in the chair, "Well Jack should have brought his ass down here first."

" He always sits next to me."

"Go sit over there and yall be sitting next to each other."

In a whining voice, "But I sit next to daddy."

Not feeling like hearing this shit, I turn towards Victoria. "Look, you either stay sitting right here or you get the fuck up and go sit on the other side."

I hear my mother gasp, "Shaina thats no way to speak to anyone, let alone your sister. Move to the other side so Jack can sit next to Tori."

"Nope. He should have gotten here. I'm sitting next to Grana. I gave her the best solution which was to move to the other side. Plus, if she hadn't hit me and had actually used her manners, I might have moved."

My mother sighs, "Just move Shaina."

I got up and walked back to my room. I could hear my sister chuckling and my mother calling my name. When I get to my room, I pull a sweater over my head and grab my keys and wallet.

Walking back into the dining room, I hear Andrew ask Grana where she going.

"With Winter. Y'all go ahead and enjoy your breakfast."

Andrew sighs, "Momma, her name is Shaina, not Winter."

"I know what the hell her name is. That's my baby Winter! Unless, I need to whoop her ass, I'ma call her Winter."

I chuckle, "Ready Grana?"

"Yeah baby, lets go."

"Shaina honey, where are you going?"

I look at my mother, "I'm taking Grana to get some breakfast."

Hearing the smooth baritone of my father, "We have breakfast here, sit down Shaina."

I looked at Andrew, then my grandmother behind him gave me the eye to be respectful. I look at my mother, "Sorry Ma, but I'm good. Y'all enjoy your breakfast."

I could see the sadness in her eyes, but I didn't care. My compassion for their feelings is depleted. Everytime I see her look like that, I always think, where were you when I had that same look in my eyes.

I walk out the door with Grana and treated her to breakfast at our spot.

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The waitress sets the last of our food down, "Thank you."

I bow and close my eyes, "Lord, thank you for the food we're about to receive. Please allow it to give nourishment to our bodies. Lord God, we ask that you blessed the food our family and friends eat today Lord God. And that their food, shall to give nourishment to their bodies. In Jesus name we pray, Amen."

I start to dig in.

"Winter Baby, I know you don't owe your mother anything, but try to connect with her more."

I snort, "Granna," I shake my, "I mean no disrespect, but I don't want to build a relationship with her."

Granna tries to say something, but I cut her off nicely

"Granna, I love you, but I won't. This 'relationship' was supposed to be built 23 years ago, but she kept running behind Andrew instead of taking care of her kids.

By the second year in the pandemic, I had actually made enough money to move and start somewhere else, but Grana wasn't moving and I wasn't about to leave my Grana with these crazy ass people.

Me and Grana had finished our food and I was paying when I hear a child call my name, "Ms. Winter!"

I turn around to see a 5 year old girl with red, curly hair and a face full of freckles on her chubby cheeks.

I remember this little girl from my last subbing job I did at Lincoln Elementary. She is a beautiful child. She is on the bigger side and was being bullied for her weight and frizzy hair the first day I met her. I was subbing her class for 3 months while her teacher was on maternity leave. When I saw her in the bathroom crying, I comforted her by sitting on the floor with her until she was done crying. Once she had told me about the other children bullying her and as a result believed all their lies about her being ugly, I squashed that quickly. I told her she was beautiful inside and out. From that day on, I would come with hair care products that defined her curls and made her hair significantly less frizzy because from my understanding, her parents didn't know what the fuck they were doing with her hair. I also stood her in front of a mirror every morning before class and told her she was beautiful they way she was. She was so heart-broken when I had to leave, but I made a promise to visit every now and then. I had saw her two weeks ago and her mother had thanked me for helping with her daughter's self-esteem and her hair. I even gave her a list of what she needed and instructions on how to maintain her daughter's hair. I even gave her some tips of ways that she can start the transition for her daughter to do her own hair.

I saw the little girl run to me. I stoop down to hug her, "Hi Maddie! How were you sweet girl?"

"I'm doing well Ms. Winter."

I look up at her smiling mom.

"Hello Mrs. Clarke."

"Hello Ms. Winter, please call me Ava."

I nod, "Well please call me Shaina. How you are two doing?"

"We are doing well, just coming to get some breakfast and then heading to Maddie's soccer game."

"Oh wow! Well, Maddie, do your best and i will be rooting for you."

"Thank you Ms. winter. See you later!"

I smile as I watch Maddie and her mother walk to the kiosk desk to be seated.

My grandmother comes back from the bathroom, "Ready Winter?"

"Yeah Grana, let's get back to the house."