A Bad Idea: The Straight Girl

"You really kept your eyes shut there..."

"...I guess I was just descending into my body? I had a lot to process about what you were doing to me and how nice it was," she said with a crooked little gleam.

K came to me again. Her face was red, her neck was red, her nipples were darker. She elevator-eyed me, and she touched my breasts a little, touched my face while she craned her face to the side in a sentimental little move, and then watched me closely as her hand tentatively found my vulva. For a moment there was fumbling, and I gathered she was trying to re-program the motions she was completely used to.

She felt my outer labia for a while, grazing. Trying to keep eye contact, and while keeping hold of one of my breasts, she found my clitoris and started tiny but firm motions just beneath it.

It was the kind of stimulation you give when you're ending a day by masturbating. She was masturbating me, unceremonious but eager. But when I looked in her eyes and saw desire and affection, when I felt and tasted the heavy breaths of her from intimately close to my face, when I saw her unintended little air-humps from the sexiness of the moment, I readily surged with desire and love and happily accepted the racing orgasm she was gifting me. She was bashful but interested as she watched what must have been not just a pleasure face, but an obvious love face, and I kept her present with a hand on her cheek as I whimpered and groaned and stared. She knew just how to keep my pelvis steady as it began shaking in eruption. My eyes forced themselves closed and I took her face in both hands. Our noses and foreheads were touching as I came against her fingers and palm, and my after-shock humps each came with their own adamant little kisses.

I wasted no time. Keeping rather intense eye contact with the woman, I dextrously shifted, switched the placements of our legs, and pulled the weight of her legs up, which automatically reclined her body far back. Keeping her eye contact steady, I tasted her leg just behind her knee, with a large-mouth kiss. Once I had her leg in my hand, I wasn't able to stop myself from bringing her broad elegant foot to me and smooch along its arch.

My soft, patient little angel kisses slowly moved to the peaks of her thighs, continuing until after maybe a minute they were flirting with where the thighs met her pelvis, kissing the nooks in between each boundary. She was in a delerium by then. But I didn't place my mouth anywhere near her labia, though her scent was quite apparent. I assumed at this point she must be worrying about her boundary. "Don't worry. I won't do anything you don't want."

"Well at THIS point Sadah..."

"Are you saying you want me to?"

"Um well I won't exactly turn it down now..."

"No. Are you SURE." This was a check-in of brinksmanship - I had to be so gentle with this hard boundary. I would not would not be a lover pushing sexual boundaries. I moved slightly away from her vulva.

"Yes" she breathed; and looking into her outer labia I could see the central fold where there was glistening. My tongue, also glistening, gradually moved in and gave her an open-mouthed but delicate kiss, lips and tongue at the same time, softly nuzzling into her inner labia with just a tiny moment of eagerness. She had a smoky, flowery taste. She had already felt my fingers, and so I gave Kassan something qualitatively different: I kept my mouth soft, kissing her whole inner labia, letting my flicks of her clit begin accidental, at first occasional.

I gave her vagina almost the same kiss we shared at the dock, a delicate exploration in close proximity to what I craved. She like that. But my 'gradual' concept was not going to work out.

Kass looked tazed. Her body couldn't even decide what to flex in what direction. And apparently she was a yeller. I barely even began my teasing non-contact circles around her clit when her shaking began. The shaking stage of orgasm was beginning and I wasn't even touching it, I was deliberately denying it. But I looked up at her, and I knew Kassan needed me to help her out. I released her from the moment, as gently as possible, with a gentle but fluttering french kiss right at home base. Her wind-up was a throaty little series of yells with each breath, and her release was breathless silence and grabbed carpet and displayed body, head to toe, on parade for me. Her breathing returned as I smooched her other thigh, the one I hadn't attended to yet.

And a moment of utter silence.

"Okay what the hell was that."

"What do you mean?"

"That orgasm. That's a new kind of orgasm..."

"...Are you fucking kidding me? I can buy boys not knowing where your clit is but you bloody well know where it is, it's right there!"

"Yes but it's not the same when I do it."

"...You're telling me you wasted how many years?"

"Heh, I don't know, I guess it just felt silly to try any harder?"

"Yes, it's silly to have orgasms, you should stop."

"Well I like the interactive approach anyhow."

"Apparently!"

She sat up in bed and we stared at each other. She must have been hit like a train with the realization: it was all over her face that she had, if she hadn't already before, passed some point-of-no-return. She was naked and sweaty inches away from a woman with her cum on her chin.

This was another one of those flashpoint moments. Mental note Sadah: don't kiss her right now. Second-hand fluid exchange is advanced oral erotica, she's just had her 101 final exam.

Two days later.

Text chain:

"So how's your night?"

"Quiet. Tea. Sunset. All the clichés."

"How are you feeling about things?"

"Weird good?"

"I hear that."

"I'll definitely be further in touch. To follow-up. Um in either of many ways. Give me a day?"

"Of course!"

I hoped the exclamation mark sounded sincere. There was no exclamation mark on my face. There were many parentheses.

Such a bad idea.

We did meet, a few days later, and it was not a hook-up. I told her tea and sunset sounded perfect and was better with company. We had a huge thermos, of some of the good stuff I'm the envy of the office for. We chatted and made the mosquitos fuck off as we accepted dusk. We chatted as we spotted the first, second, and third stars. I didn't bring up a thing. I just needed someone else to take the initiative, about anything. Some bottoms are destined to top because they're wise bottoms and people can sense when someone knows what needs to be done. That's true in the streets and in the sheets.

I promised myself I wasn't keeping-it-cool to be manipulative. But it worked. It always works. Careful hearts open only when the sky is black.

"So it's weird."

Girl is it ever. But she was introducing a topic with those words. Yes, still-believes-she's-straight-girl?

She continued. "There are um, some rather intriguing dynamics and enjoyment that I hadn't noticed when on dates with boys? And um, some things I thought were, perhaps quintessential to the in-front-of-a-man experience were maybe not so quintessential?"

The reason I could tell she was not merely talking about sex and attraction is how academic her language had become. It was full shields-up. This is when I stopped doubting this was romantic. Hoboy, this is going to come down hard on her. "I guess I always assumed that I had to perform, that things were only real when I was performing, so it's... interesting to simultaneously be a relaxed version of myself while being, perhaps shall we say, piqued of interest?"

I deserve an award for not giggling at any of this. This was excellent work on her part, don't get me wrong, it's just amazing how consistent it was. She was completely uninitiated to this phenomenon until now, so she had no idea she was well on her way to hitting every cliché.

She went on. "So what should we do? So far this is... oh gosh I'm having an affair. Are we officially having an affair? We're having an affair. I'm having an affair with a woman! But those are by their definition momentary, and that doesn't fit with any endgame that I perhaps was beginning to think about having in mind."

Gosh. People could just talking normally to each other, or at least frank in a freaky way. Hi, I'm attracted to you and enjoy spending time with you, and my nipples become sensitive when we hold hands and I get wet almost every time you smile, do you want to date and maybe buy a cat together? Anything, say anything that doesn't sound like a English Lit essay.

But nope, she was looking at me, and she was satisfied with how this conversation was going, she had as far as she knew offered a tangible actionable proposition. Yes, I think she had propositioned me. But I was getting less patient with decoding her.

"So you just said you were beginning to have something in mind! That's great! What did you have in mind?" Her face communicated that she had been caught red-handed having a feeling that she had already defined. The face was too-sheepish-to-be-annoyed. It was cute but thank goodness it was short."

"Am I about to go on a date with a woman?" She giggled.

God you're such a bottom. No one on this planet knows, they all assume you're a top. But it was hilarious, and sweet, and somehow this careful shielded affection was powerfully romantic and endearing.

"I'd love to, thanks!" I will die remembering the look on her face when she realized that I had just parried the question into a proposition that I had consummated. She had just asked me out without meaning to. The gold part of the look was the part where she obviously realized she had absolutely zero desire to take it back once it was in place, despite how terrified she was.

But consent first, kids. "Let's make that a raincheck, and just see? No need to take out the red heels yet, K, shall we just watch a movie soon?"

She gleamed, and she seemed relieved at the release of pressure. "Red heels, eh?" Her voice was ironic but she held my hands. I was trying to search my mind swiftly for whether this had actually happened yet: yes, we had traded orgasms, but this may have been the first time she touched me non-platonically not as an experiment or reflex but just as an expression of who I was to her. I don't care how many times we had been naked, because on some grass at midnight, across some shared tea, we became an Us.

And we met again. It was her place, and it was a movie. She had an apartment, with black-out curtains I chose not to over-interpret. We watched another Indie movie and Mystery Science Theatred it the whole way through. Which was redundant, because it was literally Mystery Science Theatre.

Near the end of the credits, the DVD completed, and didn't have a menu to return to, it was too old a DVD for that era, so it was just a black screen. Which was the first time we realized we never bothered to turn on any lights around us.

"That was the first movie I'd ever seen with a literal dramatic 'Bum-bum-BUM' stinger. I didn't know those were real."

"Yeah everything there was a trope, and I don't think it was a trope back then."

K drank the rest of her cold tea and reached to put it down somewhere, giving up on finding a solid surface in the dark and clumsily plopped it on the couch away from us. She giggled about it.

"I'm glad we're not out on the town this time. I don't feel quite like a restaurant."

That was the sort of line that, while completely innocent and required a little interpretation, unlocked our realization that a kiss was warranted. We both knew we both suddenly wanted one.

But when I turned to her, I saw nothing. The TV had turned itself off, we had been talking so long, and the curtains were very black-out. We heard traffic outside, but there was so little light reaching us that only my sore neck told me that I had even turned my head. I had turned my face to a little further back than beside me, where I could detect her breath. We stayed there, wordlessly. The moment just continued like that. I remembered my thought the other day about initiative. Just give me this, K. Just this one, give this one time to me. Show me I'm not just dragging you along.

The moment continued. K obviously wanted to stay, close to me, tasting my air. We both acted as though the moment would be gone forever and become our last moment, if we did one wrong thing. So we just stayed. I pointlessly closed my eyes and held my breath.

My face electrified. And then felt normal. It was my cheek. Panting, I tried to notice why. I felt it again, on the other side, on the jawline, and then up to my other cheek. Kassan had found me with her hand and was touching me. All ten fingers found me, rediscovering my position, studying the shape of my nose and chin as though she didn't know. I released my left hand to explore. As it always does, it found her shoulder. I heard a tiny gasp, felt the shoulder dance a little. I sought out the nearby neck and found it, imperfectly, studying its shape. When my other hand found a bare knee, I felt something coming. My cheek received what was obviously supposed to be a very serious open-mouth kiss on my mouth, and we instantly corrected together. That lavish taste of each other lasted one second. Without any contact or communication we stood up as a unit. I felt her in front of me. I remembered there was no coffee table to worry about and I took a step away from the couch.

The presence clumsily found and touched me. Once it found me it went for my shoulders. We were in slow-dance position. We kissed once, a long, careful kiss. Before it finished each hand was on each other's faces, as much to keep finding each other as to caress.

I think we understood each other perfectly in that moment. We left the kiss and separated. A moment passed, and at roughly the same time, once the sound of shuffling stopped, we gently found each other again, completely naked. We whimpered with the suddenness of the touch.

Neither of us went straight-for-it: we were in no way in the mood to tease each other, but what satiated my hunger, and apparently hers, was to elaborately feel each other's bodies. Her hands kept seeking parts of me, finding them, and enjoying them. She apparently enjoyed my downy hair, my waist, even my breasts. I loved her shoulders (how strong they felt), her face (its long shape was somehow just erotic to me), and her breasts too (I'm very preoccupied by breasts, but with her it was partly because of how much I overcome her when I touched her there).

Her mouth was on my neck, tasting me eagerly. It was on my collar, trying to make me feel as nice as possible. It was on one breast, slowly acclimatizing to stimulating a full breast with her mouth. She found my other breast in the dark, sliding her tongue in slow circles, and her fingers did the same on the slick spot she left on the other side. She was beginning to realize the advantages of pleasuring erogenous zones you have on your own body. She was more skilled than she assumed.

And then she was kissing me again. I felt radiant heat around just below my tummy button as we pressed together.

And we breathed, fingers touching each other's bodies, anchoring to each other's presence as we heaved.

"This complete-dark thing..." she said during another catch-up of breath, "is VERY interesting." We spent one more moment in a slow clumsy little kiss, before my force against her made us find the couch again.

She landed well, and as she felt me come to her Kassan's thighs began to curl around me, before I could curl my thighs around her. I let her have that win.

I felt her whole body rise, probably from her arms. Her hips weren't locking onto me, just encircling. She had opened to me. I felt in front of my torso and found a thigh. I tickled it with my nails, found I was going too far north, changed direction, and when I heard a whispered gasp above me, I continued at that trajectory, at the backside of her thighs, upward toward the centre. The breathing stopped. She was holding her breath. Before I could find her labia in the complete black, I felt her dripping onto my hand. I rose up and was welcomed into a soaked area. I slipped around, exploring, and her heaves were whispered, as though she were being illicit, as though she weren't allowed this touch.

I turned my hand and slid two fingers in, just like the other night. The world was black but I remember her favourite touches: I alternated between them. One firm hook deep within, slipping out, curling into a circle around her clit... slowly plunging back in, curling against her insides, back out, little circle... It was the good kind of clumsy - I wasn't only blind, but her pelvis randomly humped forwards, as though what was plunging into her was some single long object that needed direction. And then:

"Can you lick my clit?"

She had just asked for it. She had requested. In another conspiratorial whisper.

She couldn't see my face, so she skipped noticing my surprise. All she received was my Yes.

I kept my ComeHere hooks going as I opened my mouth onto her clitoris. I hardly directed any movement with my mouth at all, I just let her gracelessly hump herself up and down my face. It was fantastic.

The most important moment, for me, came before I felt any orgasm against my face at all. Before she experienced any eruption (though it had been rapidly forthcoming), she whispered my name. I continued. And then she rose a little, brought herself along to my side of the couch, found my body, and flung it all to the side on the couch beside her.

I felt Kassan on me, I heard her breathing, I still tasted her deep in the back of my mouth, but my eyes told me nothing about what was happening. I felt a shuffling downward a little. I felt her hands at the topmost inches of my hips, probably calibrating where exactly I was. There was nothing for a moment. The anticipation made me tickle and heat up, as nothing happened.

She's considering. Maybe it's too much.

A finger entered me. It curled around this way and that, came out, and two fingers came back in.

K was right about this whole darkness thing. I had no idea what was about to happen, and I couldn't read the face of the other presence in the room. All I felt was a hand sliding into me and exploring, and a hand stroking my cheek affectionately, feathering my shoulder lovingly, memorizing my breast, and always the hand in me, searching for my orgasm, a hand both very skilled and utterly unskilled, testing touches and silently asking me to teach her how to masturbate me.

We held our breath for each other, silent, so every time my gasps came she understood and stayed right there, feathering that exact place in that exact way for long seconds more, before searching again. Her instinct was to become stronger and faster when I whimpered for her, but I affectionately shooshed her and sought her face out for a slow kiss, and she got the message to slowly massage her fingers.

Her thumb found my clit, and nuzzled softly along it while she hooked.

My body whispered "Uh-huh" without me meaning to. The touch kept going. My mouth lost all its breath and heaved in some more. It kept going, not speeding up. My voice made some sort of noise that involved the letter "N" a lot. Some mysterious touch happened on my breast I was too far away to discern. The three touches unlocked me all at once. Unlocked my orgasm, unlocked my libido, unlocked the bear from the cage. There was no containing any of the feeling anymore.

I grabbed whatever I could, moved her mouth from halfway down my torso, and groaned an orgasm deep into her mouth while I held her scalp with all ten fingernails. Her hand was now immobilized by my grabbing thighs, engulfed and snared inside me. K accepted my little aftershock kisses but seemed daunted somehow.